Embrace your sexuality yourself

I just finished masturbating. To a Playboy. It was like every other time I spent making love to myself. It was stress-relieving, calming, and it also focused my thoughts.

It focused my thoughts on Philip Alderink's commentary in the April 19 Wildcat. Some things he wrote about pornography were true, but some of his thoughts seemed full of blind faith.

Pornography, in its purest form, can be an amazing way for a person or a couple to explore fantasies. There are some terrible things about pornography, from the crap that goes down in the industry (suicides and drug addiction), to the people that let it come between them and the people around them. But Mr. Alderink already covered the dark sides of pornography. I'd like to shed a little light.

First off, intimidation is a two-way street. I understand that some women may be intimidated by porn stars. The men in porn can be intimidating as well. They perform like racehorses.

I have grudging respect for the men and women in porn. I don't expect women to behave like porn stars, and I don't think women expect men to act that way either. They're actors and models, trying to reach a level of expression that sometimes transcends the magazine or video and can leave anything you buy at the grocery store or see on television far behind.

It's hard for actors to seem real, to seem human. The porn that dehumanizes women doesn't turn me on. Both the men and women become objects, but only in the sense that the images are objects. I sit on my couch, which is an object, and I write with this pen, which is an object.

But I don't masturbate to objects. I masturbate to pictures and movies with more feeling and true human passion than Sunday Mass.

I do not treat the women around me as objects for my pleasure. They are my friends, my relatives, my confidantes, and some are partners in pleasure. We share fantasies, secrets and lip balm.

Chemicals in my head are one of the many things that are released when I masturbate, but they don't make me addicted to it. An orgasm by myself is nothing compared to one that is shared. It doesn't even come close.

I like to think that masturbation is like chocolate milk. It tastes great. I have a glass every now and then (two or three times a week). It always makes me smile. I get a mustache sometimes. With milk, I mean.I do think some people can become addicted to pornography. I feel for them. Maybe if our society wasn't so uptight about sex they wouldn't have such a problem. There are too many people in this country with thick inhibitions and unfulfilled fantasies.

I'm not saying we need to behave like porn stars, but I bet if everyone found a magazine or video they liked and talked about it with someone special, road rage would magically disappear.

But I seriously doubt promiscuity would take its place. I guess, in a way, I have had sex with Miss January through December. I am certainly not promiscuous because of it. In fact, I think I've become a fan of monogamy.

Masturbation has made me familiar with how my body responds in a sexual situation. Because I am comfortable with myself sexually, I know how good sex can be with someone who I am equally as comfortable and familiar with. I am a better lover because of masturbation, not the other way around.

There are a lot of people out there, men and women, who have benefited greatly from masturbation, and some who have no idea what they're missing.

I'm not missing anything, especially when real flesh and blood is in front of me. When I kiss, make out, have sex, or just wake up with a woman, I am standing at attention. I may think about a paper due tomorrow or the class I have in a few minutes, but never about some pictures or movies I looked at recently. If I'm not "all there" with a woman, I know way before I kiss her.

When I do feel all there with a woman, I may kiss her ears. But, they're intended for hearing. Does that make me a pervert? If the definition of perversion is using a body part for something it was not intended for, then yes. Who decides what I do and don't do with my body? ME.

I think it's perverted and abnormal to not enjoy sex. Some people like it one way and some like it another, and it's none of my business. It's the people that don't like it at all or let themselves be stifled by others that worry me.

And the bondage thing - come on. There are as many men as there are women getting tied up in porn. Look up "dominatrix" in the dictionary.

Like I said before, this country is still way too uptight about sex. I'm not preaching promiscuity. Acceptance is what I'm trying to express. Some people view pornography as a vice for people who have no control over their desires. I think those people need to get laid. Or at least masturbate.

Andrew DePew
Media arts junior