The insider's guide for UA freshmen
First off, a note to all parents reading this: take it with a grain of salt. Or maybe a metric ton of salt.
Anyway, freshmen, as you embark upon this wondrous journey called college, there are lots of things you'll be told at orientation, by UA literature and through campus visits.
But they don't tell you everything. So, from an extremely jaded senior, here are all the important things about college you need to know, that they left out.
Classes, nothing before 9
Sure, the saying is "nothing before 11," but freshmen English classes eliminate that option since they're almost all at 9 or 9:30. But don't take any 8 a.m. classes. Trust me, you do not want to try and wake up at 7 on a Friday morning.
And that's because of...
The importance of Thursday
If possible, try to schedule no classes for Friday, or at least Friday morning. Thursday is the major freshmen party night around here. This is also especially important if you're considering going greek, since they also party a lot on Thursday.
The greek system
No comment here, other than to say I don't like it, but 3,000 people do.
Make up your own mind.
Use chalk, divide the room and threaten to shoot him/her if he/she crosses that line. If he/she takes your dishes and uses them to set up some bizarre fungal growth experiment in the communal bathroom, I suggest launching a music war.
Destroy your roommate with some vicious tunes. Employ Pantera's "The Great Southern Trendkill" only as a last resort, though.
The opposite sex
Be careful, ladies. Most of the guys around here are upstanding citizens, but there are always a few who came from the shallow end of the gene pool. Mace is your friend, use it when applicable.
Getting around campus and Tucson
You can't drive on campus during the day and don't ride a bike. We already have enough morons on bicycles who don't believe stop signs apply to them. Work with your friends to "clothesline" bike riders. Those of us who go by foot will like you a great deal.
As for the city around us, Tucson is as spread out as some small European countries. Get a car, or find someone in your dorm who has one and can be bribed into giving you rides anywhere and everywhere.
Okay, face it, the majority of college students drink. Some drink way too much, but others won't even touch it.
Don't count on getting into the bars though, ye 18-year-olds. They're about as tough to get into as West Berlin, until 1989.
And don't drink on weeknights, or before a test, or during the daytime (unless it's football tailgating) and definitely don't drink before driving or playing intramural football.
Enjoy your next four (or five or six) years here. It's one wild ride. And remember, in two years when you start on those lovely 400-level courses, it's "classes, nothing before 11."