Missing parents miss their children

As I observe the droves of media scrutiny and public disdain for single parent homes and absentee fathers, I am struck by the brazen and blatant one-sidedness of these discussions. It has been more than a month since I have seen my 2-year-old daughter. I have no idea how she is doing or what is going on in her life - and I live only 10 minutes from her in heavy traffic.

There is a chance I will not be a part of her life until she is old enough to think independently, and she will grow up essentially without a father.

To many, this probably seems like another example of a father who has abandoned his child for an easier life. In fact, many of you have experienced the pain and wonder of not having one parent or the other in your life while growing up. It is to you - and the many who rush in judgment on parents (usually men) who are nonexistent in their children's lives - that I write.

An old, wise woman once said to me, "Boy, it is an awful flat pancake that has only one side." The point here is not blame, but understanding.

I missed my daughter's second birthday because her mother was hiding her from me. There was little I could do when my daughter suddenly became physically terrified of outdoor insects because I could not get information about what happened to her when she was not with me.

Parents should overcome the strain of their own difficulties to interact for their children's sake, but this is often not the case.

If I don't see my daughter until she is 10, what do I say? How do I act? How many of you have thought about what it is like to be the father who is not around?

Have you pondered how many legal battles were fought or custody agreements ignored before your parent stopped being in your life? Imagine again that my child is now 15 or 17, even if she no longer wishes to deny my participation (or grossly minimize it). What can a father say? "I love you?" Do you think that would be enough, and is the explanation really going to help?

There are, to be sure, parents who simply skip out on their children - no financial or moral support - and there is no denying this. But as I find more parents in my situation, I begin to wonder how many people are out there who think their parent just didn't care enough to be involved when the truth is many would gladly give up everything else for a chance to be your parent.

Next time you want to say something bad about your absent parent, stop and think (or find out firsthand) about how much you really know versus how much you were told by the remaining parent. I have got a house full of toys and clothes that go unused, and night time is full of memories and pain.

This is my story, but might it be your father's too?

Omar T. Passons

Master's degree candidate in public health