Death to the Sensitive People!

Wildcat File Photo Arizona Daily Wildcat Ezekiel Buchheit

But, in the conception of the article I had a point. And I think that point had an origin somewhere along the lines of some comic. So like I promised last week, allow me to complete my bitching and then we can all move on.

Not too long ago it came to my attention that a little comic appeared in the newspaper with some caption along the lines of seeing-eye animals that failed. And then a bunch of people got really bent out of shape, attempted to hunt the author like he was Salman Rushdie, and really just caused a whole fuss.

At first this struck me as queer. "How," I asked "could people be so odd as to see this as any way offensive or derogatory toward blind people?"

And then it hit me. People are stupid. Not all people mind you. And certainly not you, but people in general.

These are the people who go into grocery stores and then bitch to the clerk when a product is missing: "You were out of DEHYDRONATED Soy Nipples!"

They are the ones who get offended when their fellow employee nonchalantly addresses them as "babe" at work:

"Hey, your derogatory comments are affecting my ability to perform my job correctly! This is sexual harassment, and I don't have to take it!"

They are the ones who won't watch The Simpsons because Bart - brace yourselves - is a little bastard.

Yes they are the people with way too much time on their hands and far too little to do. They are The Hyper Sensitive People, and we need to kill them.

Ha Ha! Just kidding!

It seems to me that we took a good idea, that of replacing demeaning stereotypes and labels with respect and tolerance, and went way deep into left field. We don't say colored because it was recognition of segretory times, so we say African American. We don't call the mentally handicapped "retards" because it came to have such vile connotation. Sexual harassment, that being defined as an unwanted come on, advance etc. that inhibited one's ability to work, was finally a punishable offense. It was a matter of respect.

And then we got stupid. We let The Hyper Sensitive People have an inch, and they took over the whole country.

Fat people became "people of size." Homosexuals now lead "an alternative lifestyle." Blind people are "occularly impaired."

Is there a person alive who can honestly say that this is ne-cessary? People of size? They're obese! Fat! Lard butts! It's part of life!

Replacing a word with synonyms of the word doesn't change anything. It only makes you seem insecure of yourself.

I am an asshole. It is that simple. My best friend addresses me as an asshole. Calling me "man of sphincter" isn't going to change anything.

Respecting people because it is virtuous and right is, needless to say, a good thing. I have never called a black man the n-word, I have never used it in a sentence and never in a joke. Why? Because it represents hatred and ignorance. A word that was done away with for a good reason. A real reason.

But these forced values and this forced politeness - these other phrases - aren't going to get us anywhere. And the more people who pay attention to the idiots making these rules, the more rules we're going to have, and the less of that wonderful freedom.

Anyway, I've ranted away my allotted 800 words and it is time to go. So let me say thanks to all the broads and bastards who sat through and this thing.

Don't let the idiots get you down. Our day will come when, once again, we can call an individual chunky, gay, or whatever we like without opening ourselves up to lawsuits or driving them to suicide.

And then we'll take all the idiots who complain, tie them to a chair and force them to watch every Simpsons episode. They'll either convert, or be offended to death.

Ezekiel Buchheit is a former UA student and can be reached via e-mail at Ezekial.Buchheit@wildcat.arizona.edu. His column appears every Friday.