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Senator appoints herself 'Queen of the World'
To the editor, I'm writing in response to Sen. Janet Rico's letter (Nov. 9 Wildcat). Ms. Rico, I just wanted to express my sincerest thanks for writing that letter. You see, I used to concern myself with trivialities, such as social injustices, literature, academics, etc. But after I read your letter, I was like the blind man healed by Jesus, or the sorority girl introduced to Pond's facial cleanser - life has new meaning. You've made me realize that, in the grand scheme of things, it's popularity that counts; everything else is a waste of time. Life isn't about growth, or intellectual development, or self-discovery; it's about being skinny, and getting laid, and having everybody like you! The confidence that accompanied this revelation lead me to a major decision: next year, I will apply for Homecoming Queen! I now lie awake at night, imagining the roar from the half-time crowd as the crown is placed atop my dainty head. I dream of being invited to the best parties, wearing 12-inch heels and vinyl pants, flirting with the hottest guys! Yet, your letter also made me realize that if I don't win, it's no major crisis. You've given me the confidence to accept myself, and to proclaim that I'm my own Homecoming Queen, self-nominated and self-elected!
Brian Kalkbrenner |
