I fought the law and the law won

Wildcat File Photo Arizona Daily Wildcat

The cop was very polite and nice, and played a very fun game with me called, Please Find Your Registration and Proof of Insurance While I Stand Here With A Gun And Look Like I Might Snap And Shoot You. This was complicated because of my organizational scheme, which is best explained as a procedure in which I stuff every piece of paper into an envelope.

I failed to procure said documents and the policeman looked relieved and gave me pieces of paper to sign. Apparently, I will also be giving money to the police in the near future.

Compare this to a police state, where good citizens like you and I would have the secure knowledge that the law is always going to be enforced . You're not going to go 36 in a 35 because you know that the Elite Death Patrol will shoot you in the head. How comforting that must be, compared to the situation in modern-day America.

We know that the laws are sometimes going to be enforced, and sometimes you just might get away with it. This is for several reasons, most notably that normal people outnumber police by about a thousand to one. Also, police are paid very little compared to what their job entails, i.e. become the law made flesh.

That's why most police you'll see look like they are soberly contemplating a career move, perhaps to something fun and profitable like illegal drug manufacturing. A notable exception are the mounted police, who look quite happy. But then again, they get horses.

So with the limitations of the police force in America, it is theoretically possible that you could drive at 100 mph down the highway every day, with bales of marijuana in your trunk and condoms filled with Brazilian cocaine in your gut, and you would never, ever get caught. Or if you did get caught, the officer would be nice and give you a warning, provided he missed the bales of marijuana.

If you're like me, you obey most of the important laws, like don't shoot people and don't give children pornography. However, there are broad categories of legislation that seem a bit murky. For example, our roads are so well constructed and maintained, and the modern life so frantic, it seems like the government is giving us a sly wink saying, go ahead citizens, let's hot rod.

So, here's my proposal. Because having a total police state has a few minor disadvantages, besides living in constant fear of death, let's just repeal all the motorist laws. Forget speed limits, lane markers, all of it. Just go.

Now, some of the more conservative elements out there might object on the basis that several million people would be killed every year in a world where everyone could legally drive like a maniac. To which I respond, think how much time would be saved during transit. We wouldn't even miss those several million people, because all the rest of us would be getting to places so damned fast! It would at least triple the GNP. Not to mention the potent effect of social Darwinism that would kick in, whereby only citizens with fast and accurate reflexes survive.

I also have a keen idea about renovating the student union that involves selling C-4 high explosive in the bookstore, but I'll save that for another time. See you on the road.