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"A" cure for cancer

By phil villarreal
Arizona Daily Wildcat
February 11, 1999
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Jeffrey Williams
Arizona Daily Wildcat

Cancer sucks. That's why millions of scientists are working every day to find a cure for it. While you're spending your hours playing Nintendo and searching for porn on the Internet, these scientists are doing an honorable thing - researching ways to cure cancer. They have n't found a cure, but they have come up with this gem: playing Nintendo and searching for porn on the Internet are not cures for cancer.

"So what?" you say. "It's not my job to cure cancer. I haven't even graduated from college, much less medical school. Besides, I'm not smart enough to cure cancer. In fact, I can hardly remember what room my 9:30 a.m. class on Monday is in."

That would work as an excuse on most days, including today. But not on Saturday, the day of the "Climb 'A' Mountain to Conquer Cancer" hike. Hundreds of people will climb the mountain in an effort to raise funds for the American Cancer Society.

All you need are three things: $35, a couple of good legs, and the gumption to go whoop some "A" Mountain butt at 8 a.m.

The proceeds will fund research programs that the ACS supports. Lots of scientists will have more research money after Saturday, and they'll have those who climbed "A" Mountain to thank for it.

Marketing senior Sarah Kraft, a marketing intern for the ACS, is spearheading the public relations campaign for Saturday's hike. She said that the hike's support staff will feature several volunteers, many of which are UA students.

Kraft said that those who climb the mountain will get the satisfaction of helping a good charity cause and climbing a big mountain.

"We will have tents with massage booths," she said, before clarifying, "No, I won't be giving the massages myself."

Saturday's hike will be as easy as they come. Even inexperienced hikers will be able to enjoy the walk.

"We'll have water stations and food tents," Kraft said.

Kraft recommended that all hikers bring comfortable clothes and shoes that are suitable to hike a mountain trail.

The day will kick off at 7:30 a.m. with a meeting at the base of the mountain. At 7:45 a.m., local weatherman Jimmy Stewart will give a motivational speech. Arizona state senators will also make appearances.

The registration fee is still $35 today and tomorrow. Registration the day of the hike is $40.

"But you don't have to pay that yourself," Kraft said. "You can collect it from pledges."

Guilting people into giving money for a cancer hike is easier than it sounds. All it takes is some door-to-door savvy and a pledge sheet, which is optional. Official pledge sheets are available at the ACS office. You can contact ACS at 321-7989 to get your pledge sheets.

It can be a romantic pre-Valentine's Day walk with your boyfriend, girlfriend, or life partner. It can be the beginning of your life-long crusade to indirectly cure cancer by taking part in various mountain-climbing expeditions.

And best of all, it can be your good deed of the day. With a clear conscience, knowing that you've done some good for society, it will make it all the more easy to be at peace with yourself later that night, when you're playing Nintendo and searching for porn on the Internet.