Mall groupies 'suck'

As I was walking past the mall today, I noticed a man in a red sweater that was preaching vehemently to a crowd of students. This is not an unusual sight - remember Yoshua Dave, Brother Jed and other assorted eclectics? They always draw a crowd. And every time I see it, a familiar sadness comes over me. Not for the zealots that preach their unique brand of redemption, but for...the Dork Squad.Ê

You've seen them. These are the people who follow these preachers around and think up witty one-liners to say about them. And what true wit it is! These powerful intellectuals would make the writers of Beavis and Butthead shudder in sympathy, and would incite Al Yankovic to deliver a good pimp slap. Oh, their professors must be proud. What an education they've gotten to have such mastery over the words "suck" and "pee-pee." It depresses me to think that the Mall resembles not a place for logical discourse, but rather an audition pool for the Jerry Springer show. Imagine the sophomoric minds it takes to actually make the Mall preachers look rational! And you see the same morons out there again and again, so you know they plan their schedules around it.Ê

I realize the hypocrisy of name-calling the name-callers, and so I use the word "moron" not as an insult, but as an unfortunate fact. Perhaps one day these "ignorance groupies" will stop laughing at themselves long enough to realize that no one else thinks it's that funny. And for the culprits themselves, let me phrase my protest in a way even they can understand: Hey poopie boobies: Get a life.Ê Ê

Jeremy Bachtel
Ecology and evolutionary biology senior