As the Average Maturity by Age Index (AMAI) steadily drops, America must adapt certain laws and practices to accommodate its increasingly juvenile population. Jolted into concern by a friend's recent 21st birthday, I passionately urge voters to tack a last minute proposition on to the November ballot: Proposition 500 ÷ to raise the minimum legal drinking age to 25.
Granted, there are several problems with the activism I propose. Primarily, I am 23, which makes my suggestion somewhat self-defeating. But I, personally, am willing to risk sacrificing two years of legal drinking to serve a higher purpose (which has nothing to do with drinking, and which I will conceal from the reader until the near end of this column. I thank you to not skip ahead).