By Claire C. Laurence and Cassandra Tomlin
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Wildcat: Hi, I'm Cassie and this is Claire, and you're on the spot. So if you were a stripper, to what song would you dance?
Scott: Let me think about this. ... Hmm. ... "You Light Up My Life."
Wildcat: Uhh ... are you serious? That's a little slow. I guess you're the intimate type. How seriously do you take expiration dates?
Scott: Depends on what it is. If it's milk, I'll take it seriously. If it's other stuff ... meh, not as much.
Wildcat: Nasty. So if there's some moldy bread, you'll just pop it in the toaster and it's good to go?
Scott: Yeah, I'll just scrape it off.
Wildcat: How do you feel about graffiti?
Scott: I think it depends on where it is. Bathroom stuff is hilarious to look at.
Wildcat: Nice. Have you gotten any phone numbers looking at that? Can you tell us about any hot hook-ups you've found to strip with?
Scott: (blushes) No, umm ... none of those.
Wildcat: Back to the stripper thing. If you had to pick a stage name for yourself, what would it be?
Scott: Something cheap. Something that people would laugh at. ... Candy Mellons comes to mind.
Wildcat: Who is your arch nemesis?
Scott: I can't really say that I have one.
Wildcat: You're friends with everyone? Weird. How would you dispose of them, if you had an archnemesis?
Scott: I probably put their feet in cement blocks and leave them out in the middle of the desert. Or maybe dump them in a lake.
Wildcat: That sounds kind of mobbish. You don't strike me as being too Italian. What are you?
Scott: I'm a mutt.
Wildcat: Aren't we all.
- by Claire C. Laurence and Cassandra Tomlin