By
Bobby Knight
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Editor's Note: Ryan Finley, who writes his usual crappy column every Thursday, is in a coma today. Finley was hit by a flying folding chair while covering the Bobby Knight saga in Indiana. Under advice of counsel, Knight has agreed to take over Ryan's column. Idiot...
...I can't (expletive) believe I'm doing this crap. That Finley kid had it coming - I mean, since when is it a crime to beat someone with a chair after they ask you for an interview? He and this damn paper have had it out for me for a long time.
There is one advantage to having this job, though - Tucson. After spending 29 years of my life in Bloomington, Ind., Tucson is like Rome. The mountains, the desert, the pool at Jefferson Commons - beautiful.
But I'll tell ya, the best part about this college town is the women. Like I was telling the sorority girl at Dirtbags last night, if Bobby Knight's lovin' is inevitable, why not just lay back and enjoy it. Right?....
...There's something weird about this place, though - the mall preachers. It's amazing - they tell you that you're going to burn in hell and you're supposed to listen to them and respect their religious zeal. I grab people and tell them to burn in hell and I end up without a job...
...I managed to watch a replay of the Arizona-Ohio State (my alma mater) game last night on Fox Sports. I'm confused, though. I never saw that Tomey guy touch a player. No screaming. No beatings. No bullwhips. He must not care or something...
...My lawyers told me to talk about other things, too. Like Darryl Strawberry getting pulled over for DUI. The man has cancer, has surgery, and THEN gets pulled over for driving under the influence of medication. Does he get jail time? No - house arrest. I'm sure he'll learn his lesson while he's "trapped" in his huge (expletive) Florida mansion...
...And what's up with Dennis Miller talking about the (expletive) Hapsburgs and Freud on Monday Night Football? What is that (expletive)? He tried to interview me once, but I kicked his "hey there, cha-chi"-ing, "relax, babe"-ing ass out of my office. Save the literary references for one of M.E.N.S.A. meetings, Miller...
..In college basketball, well, I was fired.
They asked me to leave but that would have come across as too civil. Let me tell you my side of the story: I was walking into Assembly Hall with my arms outstretched and this kid just happened to run right into me.
To save him from falling and hurting himself, I grabbed him by the arm. It's all a matter of perspective. Like if you watch the Rodney King tapes in reverse, the cops are helping King up and sending him on his way...
Ryan Finley is a junior majoring in journalism. He can be reached at sports@wildcat.arizona.edu.
