By
Kamy Shaygan
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Since when is a dude riding a horse a sport?
As much as I love the Olympics, there are certain things about the Olympiad that bother me.
Olympics are all about "pure sports" - events such as soccer, swimming, cycling, track and field, triathlons, and who can forget - err, equestrian?
I mean, think about the equestrian dude walking out during the ceremonies. Personally, if that dude is allowed to walk out, why not bring the horse as well?
I feel it is my duty to recommend some sports to the Olympic committee that are just as worthy as equestrian.
Hell, we might even see some of these games in 2004.
The claw - You all know what the claw is. It's that joyous game in arcades all around the world where you throw in a quarter for a chance to win an orange stuffed animal.
If you're a real pro at the claw, you could even attempt to win that sparkly "gold" watch, which is made in the heart of Taiwan.
The claw demonstrates the Olympic ideals of concentration, precision, skill and finesse.
The keg stand - I know alcohol is not allowed in the Olympics, but we can make an exception for this national pastime.
For those of you who are not familiar with a keg stand, you can find former high school jocks practicing them in college parties often.
The jock will have two people holding his legs as he performs a hand-stand on the keg. The hand-stand is a vital part of the keg stand as he simultaneously chugs beer while being inverted.
I'm not sure what Olympic ideals the keg stand demonstrates, but they aren't much different from equestrian.
Twister - Usually Twister is played in a PG-13 party atmosphere, but if we turn this into an Olympic event, look out.
A serious game of Twister is almost as intense as, well, equestrian.
If somehow the Olympic committee could convince the horses to play Twister, we could have the highest rated Olympics of all time.
Twister demonstrates the Olympic ideals of flexibility, logic, and the art we all know as flicking. You know, when you have to flick the game piece to see what body part goes where?
Ping pong - Oh wait, ping pong already is an Olympic sport.
Hacky-Sack - You know the stoners are pleased about this one.
The only problem with Hacky-Sack is that the competitors would prefer to play it in the late afternoon after their - how would you say it - warm-ups.
But nonetheless, Hacky-Sack demonstrates the pure embodiment of foot-to-eye coordination.
There are so many sports that are more worthy than equestrian - like rugby or American football.
I am in no way making a mockery of the Olympics. I am just illustrating how ridiculous it is to have equestrian as a sport.
I just hope that one day, I will hear the phrase that all Olympic fans have been waiting to hear - "right-hoof green."
