By
Zack Armstrong
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Fall Crawl is worth exactly five dollars.
I have no idea what kind of mathematicians the promoters used to calculate the exact value of the ticket price, but they are good. I put my guys on it, and my guys are the best, and they came up with exactly five dollars. So Fall Crawl's people are pretty damn close to the best.
Unfortunately, though, that figure takes into account that one is drunk, which indubitably raises the price of the evening and strips away the worth. This is especially true if Fall Crawlers actually pay for their drinks.
The most frequent drink special throughout the night was $2.50 for a bottle of Bud Light. Beers like Bud Light are the reason that people in other countries think Americans are a bunch of idiots. I would rather drink my own urine. It is darker, it tastes better and the alcohol content is higher.
I do not, however, recommend that anyone drink my pee. A small flask of one's alcohol of choice will do just fine.
Now let us get to the reason that Fall Crawl supposedly exists - the bands. Many of them are not what one might refer to as good. Some of the bands that I saw - or heard, seeing as how the lines to the particular bars they were playing at were too long for my impatience - were what one might call the opposite of good. And I do not mean evil.
It is just like that old saying about parents - the ability to have kids does not mean that you have the ability to be a parent. Well, the ability to go to the music store and buy some instruments does not mean that you have the ability to be a musician.
There were some really good bands there, but with nearly a hundred slots to fill, Tucson's good-musician supply was stretched a little thin. A part of me thinks that the promoters of the event just drove around Tucson listening for music coming from garages. When that failed, they simply rented instruments and the first four people that showed up to the bars got to be in the band.
The true highlight of the evening was that the freaks were out in full force. Even the bars of Fourth Avenue were not clogged with the humdrum clones of the UA greek community. Instead, there were true weirdos in all directions.
The best part of Fall Crawl was unmistakably the fact that it brought out people from every walk of life to mill around on the streets and listen to all types of music. That is what the five dollars is worth. But I guess I could have walked around on the streets for free.
Dammit! My guys are fired!
