By
Shaun Clayton
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Valentine's Day is a day that makes those who are happy feel only happier and makes those who are bitter and alone feel vastly inferior.
This is wrong.
There needs to be balance. Good has evil, light has darkness, John, Paul and George have Ringo. There needs to be an anti-Valentine's day, when those who are lonely and angry can feel accepted. It should be called, "Loathing and Loneliness Day," and it can work a little like this:
The day should be Feb. 15 - the day after Valentine's Day. This would allow those who are loathing and lonely to have the experience of dealing with Valentine's Day, giving them plenty of pent-up frustration and sadness to be released on "Loathing and Loneliness Day."
The symbol of the day should be a black heart. Not the symbolic heart shape, but an accurate rendering of a human heart, ventricles and all. After all, the symbolic heart doesn't make much sense anyway - it hardly resembles a real heart. Instead, it looks more like reddened, upside-down, liquid buttocks.
Now, to begin "Loathing and Loneliness Day," people will wear all black. Black is often regarded as a symbol of despair, depression and emptiness, which goes well with the spirit of the day. Anyone caught wearing something bright and downright cheerful consequently gets hit with a rock.
Next, no person may go to work. It's not an official holiday - people simply don't show up for work. There should be no need to worry about getting fired. No business is going to fire a person because they feel depressed, as the company would fear a lawsuit.
Now, with their new-found free time, the bachelor or bachelorette can participate in one of the day's many activities, like watching a movie. Film festivals should be held with a theme that holds true to the spirit of the day, whether it be sadness, anger or love gone horribly awry.
Some good films for the festivals would be "Hannibal," the story of a demented murderer's obsession with a young woman; "Chasing Amy," a story of true love facing complex obstacles and falling apart; and "Dr. Strangelove," which is about the obsession with nuclear weapons, not humans.
After the film watching, the lonely people will gather together, somewhere far from civilization, for a gigantic bonfire. In this fire, all the sickening, materialistic symbols of love left over from Valentine's Day - boxes of chocolates, dozens of roses, festive pink lingerie and the like - will be destroyed.
The best fuel for the fire would be the Valentine's cards that cost way too much for the sappy, pretentious, horribly written messages they bring. Messages like:
"We were destined to be together - and who are we to mess with destiny? Your love makes my heart happy!"
There will be drinking, there will be reveling, and maybe, just maybe, some lonely people will find some other lonely people and be lonely no more. Unlike Valentine's Day, there is nothing to lose and no lover to piss off if you make a mistake. So, even if people end the day still lonely and loathing, they'll feel appreciated - at least, for a little while.
