Photo courtesy of 20th Century Fox

Nipples galore fill the silver screen when Fuller (Steve Zahn) and Lewis (Paul Walker) dine at a roadside restaurant in the nude. "Joy Ride" opens today.

Friday October 5, 2001

In all, actress Leelee Sobieski's fully perked nipples pop out approximately 11 times during the thriller "Joy Ride," which opens today in Tucson theaters.

The nipples perform before killings, after killings, during kidnappings, in cornfields, in dorm rooms, in cheap motels and in vintage diners. Nothing stops the pair throughout the entire two hours of horror.

The set must have been cold, or the director may have been too lazy to hold a hair dryer or some source of warmth to Sobieski's chest.

Supporting the nipples in "Joy Ride" is a leading cast including Paul Walker as Lewis Thomas, Leelee Sobieski as Venna and Steve Zahn as Fuller Thomas. Walker is a nice Hollywood babe with pretty eyes and Zahn is hysterical. Sobieski herself (following the nipples' lead) is perky and occasionally frightened.

"Joy Ride's" plot reeks of brilliance. College freshman Lewis is driving across the country on his way to pick up his dream nipple, er, girl, Venna, who will join him on the trip.

Although the name Venna may evoke the image of an 80-year-old grandmother knitting a sweater, she is actually a supple, and recently single, spring chicken, casually lounging in her underwear in her first scene.

En route to Venna bliss, Lewis picks up his troublesome older brother Fuller, fresh out of jail on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct and ready for mischief.

Somewhere between one vast landscape and another vast landscape in the West, the boys play a practical joke on a lonely trucker over a CB radio, convincing him that Lewis is a seductive female truck driver named "Candy Cane." They arrange a fake rendezvous at a motel. When the trucker, "Rusty Nail," realizes that Candy Cane is as real as Santa Claus, he wants revenge, and the highways become frightways.

Although the majority of the film is another generic "I Know What You Did Last Summer, Only This Time In a Car," credit should be given where due.

Tension and suspension grip the first quarter of the film, even without the aid of stimulated breasts. The opening credits - a collage of grainy and dark vehicle interior shots and fragmented voices over the CB radio - create a creepy and ominous prelude.

The premise cleverly toys with the universal fears of lonely highways at night, small towns in the Midwest and the consequence of anonymous practical jokes. Relentless paranoia grips the film until the boys pick up Venna. After Venna joins the crew, the film unravels into a runner and screamer - "AHH! Bad guy! Run! AHH bad guy! Run!" - et cetera.

The viewer is unable to sympathize with characters who should so obviously call the police and get the whole thing over with. Mystery evaporates completely into another regurgitated, generic Hollywood thriller.

"Joy Ride" is worth approximately $1.89 - about as much as a shake made with real ice cream or a nice notebook for school. Mild entertainment is occasionally worth that much, but sometimes a dairy fix or proper school materials are better.

On the other hand, there are those nipples to consider.