Illsustration by Josh Hagler

Friday October 26, 2001

Disturbing news from the environmentalist front, folks: World Population Awareness Week is upon us. The 17th annual event, which started five days ago and ends Sunday, is the end product of the collaboration of more than 200 left-wing organizations in more than 60 countries.

Naturally, I heard nothing about it until I scoured the Sierra Club's Web site, which I do from time to time for two simple reasons: I need to get my weekly fix of environmental nonsense, and I'm just a glutton for punishment.

Anyway, this whole ridiculous event, according to www.sierraclub.org, "spotlights the urgency to address the impact of rapid urbanization as a result of population growth." The event is sponsored in part by the Sierra Club and many family preventing· er· planning organizations. In addition, several local population-control affiliates, such as the New England Coalition for Sustainable Population (I kid you not), have planned to hold forums this week to discuss what measures can be taken to prevent more disgusting, urban-dwelling, wretched humans from further polluting the planet for those of us more deserving individuals who were fortunate enough to have already been born.

I'll tell you what, folks: I was already well-aware that so-called environmental groups were up to much more than just "saving the planet" from dirty air and water - if that's what they were up to in the first place. But this one even surprised me. Who knew that environmentalism and abortion had such a love affair?

In hindsight, however, I really shouldn't have been taken so off guard. After all, we know (well, at least I know) that members of these environmental organizations love everything about Earth, except people. Human beings just screw things up with their greedy intentions and want for a nice house at the expense of Mother Nature. And if more and more people are born into the world, how can the rest of us be assured that we'll have our own, personal clean habitat?

Allow me to bestow upon you some more wise words from the Sierra Club. They argue, "World human population in 1830 reached 1 billion. Today it is 6.1 billion· and still growing. Yet Planet Earth hasn't grown at all. Farmland, wetlands, clean water, forests and biodiversity are all shrinking. Yet we give less than 1 percent of the annual U.S. foreign budget to the one cause that can bring about population stabilization - international family planning programs·"

Permit me to translate: "There are too many damn people on my· I mean, our planet. I want my own clean place to live! I was already born, and I deserve it! We know that we're more important than those damn clumps of cells that haven't been born yet and want to carve up Earth even more! Let's put an end to it!"

The Sierra Club, which describes itself as "a pro-choice organization," never uses the word "abortion" in its argument for its stance on population growth. I don't think it has to. Despite the fluff, it gets its "environmental" message across very clearly.

Even if you're pro-choice - which I'm not, but I respect the fact that abortion is legal in this country and accept it as the law of the land at the present time - you still have to understand the absurdity of this event.

There may be some morally justifiable reasons for abortion out there that even I might go along with, but population control is not one of them. How foolish is it for environmentalists to decide who enjoys this planet's environment and who doesn't, simply because they were born before others?

What if you did a little research and found that the same argument was being made several years prior to your birth? What if one of these organizations had prevented you from having life and enjoying our gorgeous planet because some environmentalist morons had deemed it necessary for you to be sacrificed so they could enjoy it more?

I will give the Sierra Club credit on one account: at least it's not masking its ulterior motives as tightly as it has in the past. I do, however, have a recommendation for everyone: Instead of celebrating World Population Awareness Week this weekend, just celebrate the fact that you're alive, possibly credited to the fact that this event began only 17 years ago. And pray that these self-serving wackos don't prevent others from enjoying Planet Earth.