Nick Zeckets

Monday August 27, 2001 |

With the first week of classes down and a mere 17 left in the fall semester, Arizona is starting to roll, and the freshmen need a slapping around. We've all been there and done that, but don't you upperclassmen wish you had been given the rundown of things early on? That's what I'm here for - to illustrate the traps and pitfalls and how to avoid them. Freshmen, listen up. Everyone else, prepare to remember your goofier days.

As a gung-ho freshman, I decided to start on all my major work my first semester, thus leaving a pile of freshman-oriented core classes to my senior year. During this first week, I have seen all the asinine first-year behavior and have reached a boiling point. Kids, college has no room for class clowns. In high school, you could pull stupid antics in class and be loved for it. Here, you will be hated.

One newbie in a theater arts lecture of mine made a wisecrack to his new best friend sitting next to him after practically everything the professor said. This guy wasn't even funny and was becoming increasingly annoying. Had I been carrying an extendable metal baton, I would have drawn it and whacked away at his vapid noggin.

Quintessentially, freshmen are supposed to try to make names for themselves, but class is not the place. Join a club. Go out to eat with people on your hall if you live in a dorm. Ask one of the multitude of single, hot girls that rove this campus - for the love of all that is sacred, shut your faces in class.

Now, I don't begrudge this jackass example of a guy. This is a lesson, not a damning. Should the 6,000 or so fresh faces take this body of advice to heart, they are welcome to get down party-style at my house. Otherwise, it will take you young'uns the full year to gain acceptance from the "big kids."

Warning No. 2: the greek system.

I know that it's tempting to rush or pledge or whatever the hell it is fraternities and sororities do, but remember this - the greek system is little more than a system of payment for friends. Newbies, you can make friends on your own. Service organizations abound outside the greek system, so that's no draw. There's plenty of housing around here, so the hellholes that Kappa Tappa Kegga and the likes call home-base aren't a reason for joining.

Let's be even more frank. A big component of school is drinking, but being forced to do so much that loads of Cactus Grill chunks stream from your mouth, ejected at a surprisingly high velocity by a frightened stomach coached by your ailing liver is no way to go. Drinking your first year should be taken seriously and maturely. Do not drink away your grades and memory of what should be the beginning of your best years.

If I see one more bright neon shirt with flowers on it, I will strangle the collective lot of rush leaders in the fountain in front of Old Main where, for some reason, they feel compelled to make their tipsy wannabes jump around and pretend to be "sisters forever" after knowing each other for a week. Girls, don't fall into the trap. Don't just be a Wildcat so that you can find a man, to earn an MRS. degree.

For my final bit of advice, and one that everyone should heed - including my lazy ass - go to class. Go to all of them. Freshmen, I promise you over a 3.0 if you just go. The core course instructors serve more of the purpose of getting you to class and on campus than teaching you anything. Honestly, you think that the eighth-grade material in any NATS course will make you a better candidate for a job when you graduate? No. So, the grades are based on involvement.

To make the grade here at this desert oasis university, go to class, get involved and be smart about the decisions you make. I don't hate frat guys and sorority girls; I drink plenty myself, and I miss classes all the time, but it's all about realism. Think about the four-or-so-year career ahead of you with foresight and meaning. College is a privilege, and during the first year, you will all be tested. Look at the people on campus around you and see the faces that made it because there are hundreds who didn't. Be a Wildcat for life, and make this social-academic community proud to call you a peer. From all of the upperclassmen and myself, I welcome you to the family.