Barry Hess Libertarian candidate for governor

ÎUnbelievable' gubernatorial candidate digs aesthetically pleasing, many-armed cacti, but not the jumping kinds

WILDCAT: So how are you?

HESS: I'm supposed to say "unbelievable." That way you don't share bad news and everybody speculates good news. It's none of their business.

WILDCAT: Do you like the scenery in Tucson?

HESS: Tucson has some spectacular scenery.

WILDCAT: Oh yeah? Be sure to tell me where it is before you leave.

HESS: But so does Wilcox. I was blown away by some of the rock formations. It was fabulous.

WILDCAT: Good to know. If you were to see a row of cacti, do you think you would be more partial to the ones with many arms or just a few?

HESS: I don't know that I'm partial to any of them.

WILDCAT: Work with me here, Barry. If your life depended on a cactus with a lot of arms or not so many arms, which would you prefer?

HESS: I would say the one with many arms.

WILDCAT: Why?

HESS: Aesthetics.

WILDCAT: Have you ever been attacked by a psycho jumping cactus?

HESS: Several times.

WILDCAT: Really? And you lived to tell the story? Where did it attack you?

HESS: Horseback riding up in North Phoenix, but I got him.

WILDCAT: He suffered the consequences?

HESS: Yes.

WILDCAT: So, what do you think is the ugliest word in the English dictionary?

HESS: "Can't."

WILDCAT: See, I'm not a big fan of the word "phlegm." Who thought that it would be a good idea to spell it the way they did? They could have saved a lot of kids some points on spelling test if they had just spelled it phonetically. Ridiculous.

HESS: My favorite word is "reiterate." It sounds good.

WILDCAT: If you were a bumblebee, who would you sting first?

HESS: Janet.