Jeffrey Clay Howick senior English major

ÎCrazy' senior majoring in English and history not, like, a murderer; he's having tofurkey

WILDCAT: What do you want to do with your major?

HOWICK: English freakin' rules!

WILDCAT: I enjoy speaking it, actually.

HOWICK: That's what I'm saying. Of course, a lot of people don't speak it very well, so you have to lay the smack down on them. But you don't want to get in their face and throw grammar at them and make them feel like idiots, even though they are idiots.

WILDCAT: Do you get perturbed when people say "like" all the time?

HOWICK: Yeah, like, that really, like, offends me.

WILDCAT: I completely understand. There's this girl in my English class ÷ my English class, for heaven's sake ÷ and every other word out of her mouth is "like." It drives me bananas!

HOWICK: I don't know what to do with those kinds of people.

WILDCAT: It's tough.

HOWICK: What can I say? I'm crazy, but I tell people I'm a genius because it's my cover. You know, because that's a fine line.

WILDCAT: I know. I think back to high school and the geniuses who sat in the back of class. I am sure that some of them are mass murderers now. You know, I could have studied with them, but I value my life more than that.

HOWICK: I'm not a murderer, though.

WILDCAT: Oh, Jeffrey, I know. But speaking of murdering, are you going to eat turkey for Thanksgiving?

HOWICK: Actually, I'm having tofurkey.

WILDCAT: Are you kidding me?

HOWICK: I kid you not. But my mom doesn't know how to cook it. She can't, like, cook a regular turkey so ·

WILDCAT: Now, is it a mass of tofu in the shape of a turkey, or what?

HOWICK: No, actually, it's a dome.

WILDCAT: Tasty.