 |
Caitlin Hall Opinions Editor
|
|
|
By Caitlin Hall
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Print this
When someone you're interested in dating asks for your number, what do you say? If the query comes after class, in a bar or at a party, it's the easiest ÷ and most flattering ÷ of questions to answer. But if it comes post-bar, post-party, post-third date, when listing off seven digits is out of the question, the inquiry can make the most intimate moment feel a little too close for comfort.
That's because we're talking about a different species of number altogether ÷ not the kind that establishes a connection between strangers, but the kind that documents exactly how many connections you've established · sometimes, with strangers.
Whether it's Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, feeling out who you've been feeling up, while it may seem trivial for some, is for others a delicate balancing act between honesty and ego.
So how much does a figure figure? And why are we so reluctant to present our past to those we see a future with?
I took the question to my usual jury, and as usual, it was hung · no pun intended.
Both men and women professed to lying ÷ or at least, ahem, having friends who lie ÷ about their numbers in order to seem more "normal." However, it seems that term cuts both ways. Men claimed to lie in order to make the girl they're with feel like more than just another notch on a well-worn headboard. At the same time, they admitted to plumping up their numbers when interrogated by friends.
Still others ÷ I won't name names ÷ confessed to underestimating their experience in order to make girls underestimate their risk factor. To justify their sketchy ways, they explained that a little number can be of big consequence when hitting the sack.
Promiscuity is as much a paradox for women as for men. On the one hand, women said that they were often eager to cultivate a virginal image ÷ and hence round down their digits ÷ for fear of being pigeonholed as a "slut." At the same time, some confided that they had knocked up their numbers in the name of female empowerment ÷ apparently fearless and frisky go hand-in-hand.
Of course, when the ex-factor becomes a sex factor, fear of adverse judgment often dictates what we're willing to divulge. Even those who seem open-minded are more prone to criticize than they care to admit. Take, for example, the man who, when asked his number, railed against stereotyping based on prior engagement, then proceeded to list precise ranges for what constituted "pure," "acceptable" and "slutty," and opined that, "If a girl has more partners than you, either you're just not good-looking or she's getting her freak on way too often."
So, what is an "acceptable" number? If you believe bachelor No. 1, it's three to 10. Others, however, were less simplistic in their estimations. As one friend explained, there's no precise formula for deciding what constitutes "too many," but there is a linear correlation between age and the number that's bound to turn heads. Of course, she then went on to give just that ÷ a precise formula: "Take your age, divide it in half, add two and that's one too many."
When asked the same question, another (male) friend replied, "There's no cap. Zero is too few. Infinity is too many. It's all personal preference." He then added, "But if you're too drunk to remember, it doesn't count. If you can't add, you can't add it to your number." Then again, there's something to be said for the idea that if you can't remember who you've slept with, you've probably slept with too many people.
I'm inclined to agree with the girl who counseled that accountability, not just countability, is what really matters. As she explained, the actual number isn't important ÷ it's how important the other person is to you, whether you're compatible and whether you're able to own up to your history.
Of course, all judgment aside, there is one thing a person's number is almost certain to tell you ÷ your chances of getting them into bed.
Caitlin Hall is "acceptable." She is a molecular and cellular biology and philosophy junior and can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.