'Chug beers' drinking game takes over campus

Campus Health is treating an unusual number of alcohol poisonings, as the new Chug Beers Until You Pass Out Or Throw Up drinking game grows in popularity among students.

"Binge drinking isn't healthy, even if it seems like a fun game," said Campus Health Service spokeswoman Clarissa McCelroy.

Students, however, said it's all in good fun.

"The best part is that the game gets you good and hammered really fast," said pre-business freshman Richard Kipper. "It's also easy to play, no matter how drunk you are. You don't have to think hard, like in King's Cup."

'Crossword too easy' says smart-ass douche bag

Resident smartass Alex Beasel told the stranger sitting next to him in lecture yesterday that the crossword was "getting too easy."

"It's really becoming quite elementary," said the douche bag majoring in English literature. "You don't have to be a Greek god to finish it, do you? Although you do have to know the Greek gods. How ironic."

Communication junior Shawn Michaels, who had never met Beasel but was sitting next to him at the time, remained silent and quickly put away his pencil and copy of the Wildcat.

Student can't remember shit from last night

Randy Wolfcastle said he couldn't remember anything from Saturday night's partying on Fourth Avenue, although he was able to perfectly recap all the drinking he did.

"First, we went to Maloney's and I had four Bud Lights and a Heineken - to treat myself," the marketing junior said. "Then we went right next door to O'Malley's and I had a vodka tonic, at my friend's urging. We went to Mi Nidito after that, because everyone was hungry. I had a margarita and two Coronas. Finally, we capped the night off at a house party, where I drank some Jack Daniel's - like three and a half shots."

However, that's apparently all he could remember.

"I don't know what happened on Saturday. It was just crazy. I can't remember shit. I definitely don't know why I woke up with some other dude's underwear on."