H Michael CronerTheatre arts freshman

Self-proclaimed 'failure' enjoys acting, promises not to have any wardrobe failures

Wildcat: Hi, we're going around randomly selecting students for the opportunity to win a $50,000 cash scholarship. All you have to do is answer a little Q&A.

Croner: Wow. Sure!

Wildcat: Actually, I'm kidding. You're on the spot.

Croner: OK. All right, then I'll go for the uh ...

Wildcat: The drill? Do you have what it takes?

Croner: I definitely have what it takes.

Wildcat: Have you been dreaming about this?

Croner: Actually, no. Sorry.

Wildcat: Aww, you're breakin' my heart! Are you a heartbreaker?

Croner: I try, but I fail miserably most of the time. I'm a failure at most things.

Wildcat: So, what has been your biggest failure?

Croner: It's that I wanted to be your friend, but I disappointed you because I haven't dreamt about being on the spot.

Wildcat: Aww, you may have redeemed yourself a little bit. Will you marry me?

Croner: Um, no. It's just a little intimidating having that recorder in front of me.

Wildcat: (Shoving recorder directly under nose) Do you want it closer?

Croner: OK, now I'm really intimidated. I feel like I'm on "Star Trek" and you're scanning me.

Wildcat: Here's something random: I hear that it's the Chinese New Year and it's the time of the monkey. Do you think that means that monkeys are going to take over the world?

Croner: I'm not really a monkey year expert, but I'd say probably.

Wildcat: So, does that mean that George W. is going to win the presidency?

Croner: Oh God, I hope not. I don't think he's a monkey - I just think he's an idiot.

Wildcat: So, do you have anything to say to all your fans before I go?

Croner: Just that I love you, and I promise I won't have any wardrobe malfunctions.

Wildcat: No, we don't want your breasts falling out. But do you have any interesting piercings on them? Any giant suns?

Croner: No, all out of giant suns.

- Interview by Claire C. Laurence