"The check-in process on Thursday, Friday and Saturday at Coronado is bullshit, and the girls at the check-in desk are angry little trolls."

"I'm the only black Jewish guy in AEPi, but there's plenty of other stuff to make fun of me for. I spit when I talk. And all the sorority girls only know you to get your alcohol."

"The new rec center should be put in by the time we get back next year. There should be lines of precors."

"The second floor of Cochise is so overrated, and the third floor is going to kick their ass at basketball."

"Nipple piercings are so overrated. Tongue piercings are way better."

"The police in Tucson are bitches and need to find better things to do than raid harmless parties."