A collection of views, gripes and nonsense

Gripe of the week

When stars lose their fame — whether it was for 15 minutes or longer — it’s not necessarily because they lost their talent or creative energy. Or is it? Washed-up stars are currently showcasing their complete lack of talent on VH1’s new “American Idol”-style competition, “But Can They Sing?” VH1 is known for temporarily resurrecting careers with programs like “The Surreal Life” and their pathetic spin-offs. Has-beens Antonio Sabato Jr. and Morgan Fairchild sadly attempted to perform, and Bai Ling — who has never even been a celebrity — provided the performance of the night with her Will Hung-inspired take on “Like a Virgin.” These shows must stop. We are sending cruel messages to these D-list stars that we actually still care and we can’t keep giving Omarosa work. Oh, and by the way, “Dancing With The Stars” will return in January.

Newsworthy

When Quentin Tarantino directed the season finale of “CSI” last year, I died a little on the inside. Expect me to die a lot when “Requiem for a Dream” director Darren Aronofsky goes through with his plans to direct an episode of the much-loved ABC show, “Gilligan’s Island — Not As Funny This Time.” Wait. I mean “Lost.”

Sarcastic comment

In the best-news-I’ve-heard-this-week department, “Behind the Mask,” a new sequel/prequel to the always improving Hannibal Lecter series, is slated for release next year. This one will tell the story of how young Hannibal became a purple people-eater. Thankfully, that hack Anthony Hopkins won’t be involved.

Watch this

Is Madonna still hot? That’s the question you have to ask yourself as you watch her new video, “Hung Up.” The track is pretty horrible, but the video has Madonna in a leotard showing some serious crotch. Is that a good thing anymore? I’m going to go with yes, but just barely. Watch it at www.madonna.com.

Random review

Rogue Wave’s Descending Like Vultures is a worthy sequel to the Sub Pop band’s debut album Out of the Shadow. Single “10:1” is reminiscent of the jangly guitar pop that Rogue Wave is known for, and the rest of the album makes them seem like a perfect supplement until the Shins release its next album.

Read this

The Web site www.popmatters.com is your haven for all kinds of great reviews, from music to film to television to concerts. Sure, read the Arizona Daily Wildcat first, but even though Popmatters has worse critics (who doesn’t?), it has more space for reviews.

Quoteworthy

“I have learned that I really cannot be destroyed,” said Martha Stewart, who apparently has a cheat code for life. She’s an evil cyborg.

Download this

The new parents both have horrible tracks on the way next. Britney Spears’ new track “And Then We Kissed” from her remix album has leaked, as has Kevin Federline’s “Y’all Ain’t Ready” from some white-boy rap album that he’s making. Both tracks are currently available on www.stereogum.com until the police find out.