Diamondbacks bullied UA baseball team

Wildcat File Photo Arizona Daily Wildcat Jensen Karp

The kids that were a foot taller and a brain cell shorter and loved to beat up the younger students on the tetherball court in elementary school.

The children that demanded your lunch money and tipped over your cafeteria tray of tater-tots and chocolate milk as you studied for your spelling quiz.

These monsters depended on their dominating physical appearance and their intimidation to force embarrassment upon their smaller and younger prey.

Last Wednesday, the UA baseball team played the classic role of the meager victim to this brute force when they squared off against the bullies of major league baseball, the Arizona Diamondbacks, or the "Thugs of Summer." Hey guys, pick on someone your own size.

What's better for the punctured self-esteem of a below-.500 expansion team than whooping-up on collegiate squad? Am I the only guy who knew this game's box score was going to be as uneven as the members of Wilson Phillips on a see-saw?

Reminiscent of Billy Madison's violent rejections on fourth graders playing hoops, the professional D-backs stormed into Tucson Electric Park and helped define the significant difference between young adults and old guys with a lopsided 10-2 victory.

Some aging Diamondback veterans, such as Pete Incaviglia and Jay Bell, could be married longer than many of the UA players have been alive. The probable average age of the D-backs' opening day roster is 31, while the oldest player in the Wildcats' lineup is not even 23 years old, a remarkable eight year difference.

Now I understand that age isn't everything, but the vital experience obtained by an athlete once they turn pro is crucial to the development of a champion. For every Kobe Bryant who is able to compete at a professional level as a teenager, there will be a Jermaine O'Neal and Jennifer Capriati who curse the day they stepped on the same playing field as competitors that are decades older than they are.

This mockery of a sporting event reminded me of a middle-aged father challenging his 12-year-old to a one-on-one basketball game. It was dad's last selfish attempt to prove his manhood and dominance over his naive child and show his offspring who really rules the household despite his gradual physical decline with age.

Well, I hope you're happy, Diamondbacks. You did a great job and don't forget that feeling of victory you experienced in Tucson because you won't come across it much this season. And if you ever want to boost your spirits this season after the numerous losses you'll incur, I heard some local high schools and little leagues have openings in their schedules.

Jensen Karp is a sophomore majoring in media arts. He can be reached at Jensen.Karp@wildcat.arizona.edu