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Homecoming partying 101

As early November rolls around, the campus is buzzing. Homecoming activities are occurring throughout the whole week, culminating with Saturday afternoon's big football game against Washington. The football team has finally gained back some respect, and Saturday's game against Washington will be a stiff test for them. It is also the last game of the season. Anyways, every fan has been waiting for this weekend. The following list should be a helpful guide to Saturday's pre-game party.

7:45 A.M.- Wake up, considering that the football game starts at 1:30. Shake yourself, considering you probably were partying the night before and don't feel too well.

8 A.M.- Drive to your nearest liquor establishment. Pick up some liquor - beer (preferably a keg), rum, Jaegermeister - and pretzels. Pretzels are an essential munchie when the day gets long. Prepare to consume.

8:25 A.M.- Drive by McDonald's. Pick up an Egg McMuffin, hash browns and an orange juice. A full stomach is necessary for the day's activities.

9 A.M.- The party group arrives. Jash, Drake, Konan, the Abers, PD, 99, the Doctor, Cel, Chief, etc. Mass consumption begins. Remember, this is all in good fun, and everybody is doing this with the utmost caution.

10 A.M.- Take two Tylenol and remind myself of how long a day this is going to be.

10:22 A.M.- Some people begin taking shots while playing Nintendo golf.

10:50 A.M.- After stomaching a few beers and the first half of ESPN's morning Big Ten game between Northwestern and Iowa (where the score is 3-2 Iowa), break out the burgers and the grilling begins.

11:30 A.M.- After eating, continue to the McKale Center lawn where numerous festivities are occurring. Many sororities have tents over there, so it's the place to be.

12:05 P.M.- Scour the crowd, look for those you know. Whip out your flask every now and then for a swig. As your mind becomes clouded with blind faith, tell all you know how UA will demolish the Huskies.

1 P.M.- Make way over to Arizona Stadium. Watch everyone else sneak in with a flask or a bottle.

1:30 P.M.- Shake your keys, if you didn't already forget them somewhere earlier because of your clouded judgment.

2:45 P.M.- Look at the three people in my section that have passed out, all from the heat? Watch the Melon Heads roam. Borrow a beverage from a friend which seems to taste really good and guzzle it all down.

4:23 P.M.- UA just beat Washington 28-24 in a game that goes down to the wire. Who scored, who played quarterback?

4:30 P.M.- Return home to finish off the keg. Sleep after that for a few hours.

6:45 P.M.- Wake up, and return to partying.

10 P.M.- Become Human Chalkboard.