By Rebekah Jampole
Libertarian candidate for governor
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Tuesday October 22, 2002
╬Unbelievable' gubernatorial candidate digs aesthetically pleasing, many-armed cacti, but not the jumping kinds
WILDCAT: So how are you?
HESS: I'm supposed to say "unbelievable." That way you don't share bad news and everybody speculates good news. It's none of their business.
WILDCAT: Do you like the scenery in Tucson?
HESS: Tucson has some spectacular scenery.
WILDCAT: Oh yeah? Be sure to tell me where it is before you leave.
HESS: But so does Wilcox. I was blown away by some of the rock formations. It was fabulous.
WILDCAT: Good to know. If you were to see a row of cacti, do you think you would be more partial to the ones with many arms or just a few?
HESS: I don't know that I'm partial to any of them.
WILDCAT: Work with me here, Barry. If your life depended on a cactus with a lot of arms or not so many arms, which would you prefer?
HESS: I would say the one with many arms.
WILDCAT: Have you ever been attacked by a psycho jumping cactus?
HESS: Several times.
WILDCAT: Really? And you lived to tell the story? Where did it attack you?
HESS: Horseback riding up in North Phoenix, but I got him.
WILDCAT: He suffered the consequences?
WILDCAT: So, what do you think is the ugliest word in the English dictionary?
WILDCAT: See, I'm not a big fan of the word "phlegm." Who thought that it would be a good idea to spell it the way they did? They could have saved a lot of kids some points on spelling test if they had just spelled it phonetically. Ridiculous.
HESS: My favorite word is "reiterate." It sounds good.
WILDCAT: If you were a bumblebee, who would you sting first?