By Susan Bonicillo
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
Out of all the times of the year, I love this season the best. The cold, crisp weather, the twinkling lights, distracting tinsel. I know it's bordering on the mushy and sentimental, but come December I'm all about the red and green. It's times like these when I wish the domestic goddess Martha Stewart was still around, a woman who can make any ordinary living room look like the Waldorf using just an old newspaper and twine. My own lacking decorating skills and my attempts to make a picture perfect holiday environment; this is when I need her guidance the most.
More importantly though, rather than getting caught up in the just trappings of the holiday season, there's much more meaning than just the decorations. It also signals a rare occasion of community, when we collectively make our little slice of the world a little prettier and more welcoming.
Suddenly, everyone is eager to give you food, a tradition that I am not protesting anytime soon. However, we don't just exchange food items but also the all-important presents. I'm not a big fan of receiving presents since everyone I know seems to want to give me a massive wardrobe makeover, as evidenced by the mounting pile of unused sweaters and pants I've accumulated from Christmas times past. Basically, I'm a giver, not a taker.
However, like others out there I'm a little strapped for cash. So, until finals are over and when I can finally sell the textbooks that I rarely used, I'm going to have to wait until the last minute to get gifts for everyone. But if I could start my Christmas shopping right now here are a few things that I would get.
For everyone's favorite hotel heiress/party girl/reality star/amateur adult filmmaker Paris Hilton, I'd like to get a full- length T-shirt. Despite her multimillions it seems like the poor girl cannot seem to find a shirt that completely covers her tanned and aerobicized torso. It probably gets hard for someone to not have to work, and spending her life getting her picture taken so purchasing adequate bodily covering just slips her mind. The generous spirit of Christmas strikes again.
For yet another blonde bombshell, I wish to give the newly married Britney Spears a new husband for the yuletide, just to prepare for the time that she gets tired and bored, or forgot where she put her current husband.
A Rubik's cube and a pair of knitting needles for Ron Artest because he'll be needing something to fill up the time.
As for that delightful conservative sprite Ann Coulter, I would like to give her a $50 gift certificate to the Old Country Buffet. The emaciated look might be a form that we all wish to have, but in her case, one needs every extra bit of energy if you're going to berate gays, Muslims, women, the whole spectrum of minorities and anyone who isn't down with the GOP.
In light of the recent elections and all the nastiness that persisted on campus, for both the College Republicans and Young Democrats, I wish to give them all a sense of humor.
Last of all though, I'd like to give something simple, something that has no monetary value. This last gift, my gentle readers, is that of knowledge.
Due to the number of letters that I have gotten in the past, I think I need to reiterate one point. I know in the past I've written some things that people haven't always agreed with. Though I know that it is a popular device - to use one's race and ethnicity to insult someone with whom you disagree - I can take the offense.
However, for the last time, just to clear everything up: I am not black, Indian (dots or feathers), Mexican or any assorted shade of brown that you can think of. If you wish to insult me and my heritage at least do it correctly.
My lineage can be traced to the sunny little island nation of the Philippines, a land where the drinking water is brown and so are the people.
Susan Bonicillo has enjoyed being your opinions editor but will be off in New Zealand next semester. If you want to send any last hate mail where you correctly insult her heritage before her departure, go to email@example.com.