By
Angela Orlando
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Grade: D-
Famous actors in 'One Night at McCool's' have completely sold out
"One Night at McCool's" is the epitome of stupidity captured on film. But maybe that's the point.
Basically, the "plot" centers around four guys who fall in love with one ditzy-but-photogenic woman, Jewel (Liv Tyler).
Tyler brings T & A to the movie, and we're not talking "Talent & Ability" here. Director Harold Zwart must have instructed her to one, not use any consonants (her voice is so breathy throughout the movie that it's barely possible to understand her) and two, not integrate any words more than one syllable long (unless giggling counts) into the script.
In fact, the only character seemingly able to read and write is a psychiatrist played by Reba McEntire. Unfortunately, she appears far too sporadically to counterbalance the other actors' recycled one-liners.
Someone must have paid John Goodman a hefty sum for his appearance in this flick. His bank account must, unlike his sense of humility, be rapidly dwindling. He plays a bumbling, semi-competent detective who is enough in love with Jewel to don a far-too-tight cop outfit so as to please her. It's truly revolting to watch him shine up those boots.
But he's not as far gone as Randy (Matt Dillon), who kills for Jewel, or his lawyer cousin (Paul Reiser), who jeopardizes his marriage and shirks his parental responsibility in the hopes of winning her over.
Jewel's sole ambition in life is to one day own a home which she can decorate herself (Wow!). In times of trouble, of which she finds a lot, she consoles herself by flipping through a collection of furnishing ideas that she's clipped out of women's magazines.
Being as she is an imbecile, Jewel is unable to fathom the concept of working at a real job to make her dreams come true, as a non-inflatable woman might. Instead, she leeches onto any man with a house, and together they rob the rich for furnishings - mostly lamps and DVD players.
And the men let her play them, because she sleeps with them often.
The movie's funny moments are infrequent and employ tactics that will only appeal to an audience with truly low-class tastes. Once, while Randy and Jewel are having sex (go figure), a lamp (again, go figure) connected to The Clapper goes on and off and on. Once, after Jewel and Randy have killed yet another rich victim, a DVD player opens and closes and opens, hitting the corpse in the face each time. Once · oh, never mind.
It's really too bad such a great line-up of actors couldn't have starred in a better, more high-brow film. But maybe that's the point. Chances are, "One Night at McCool's," like the starring actors, will sell out time and again.
