By
Shaun Clayton
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Grocery stores. We walk into them all the time to buy certain necessities - milk, eggs, fruit, bourbon and so on. In doing so, people miss some of the more interesting things that are there for those with a keen eye, or, if you are like me, do not have much of a social life.
I have noticed that any product that comes in a "grouping" has a price for each individual item in that group. For example, a box of crayons has a price for each individual crayon. This is neat. Someday, I want to take a burnt sienna crayon, a potato chip and one match up to the cash register and write a check for all of it. Then I would ask for each item to be placed in a separate bag.
Some other observations:
Salad dressing often costs more than the lettuce you put it on. On a related question, why is the hidden valley in "Hidden Valley Ranch" hidden? I do not think I would trust anybody who makes such a product and is really secretive about it.
Playing cards are always placed next to office supplies, suggesting that if you need office supplies for a job, you also need playing cards to get through the mind-numbing boredom. Why else is Solitaire a standard feature of Windows software?
The pharmaceutical section is right next to the make-up section. In my mind, this suggests that if women do not like the way they look using make-up, they can take some pills and shave off a few pounds. This section should be combined into one and called "The Supermodel Section," or "Woman, Hate Thyself!"
In one store, the candles with pictures of Jesus on them were right below the beef jerky and next to the Kool-Aid. Wow, what a communion they are suggesting! "Yes, I'll take the tender, spiced body of Christ with the cherry-flavored blood of Christ, Amen."
Why is there a brand of orange juice named after Donald Duck? When I think of orange juice, I definitely do not think of ducks. This brand comes in two styles- regular, with Donald Duck pictured on the front wearing a sailor's hat, and "Country Style" with Donald Duck wearing a straw hat "with more juicy bits of orange!" If there is anything that makes me want to buy a product, it is the inclusion of juicy bits.
Finally, for those who happen to go through the book-selling section, as all lovers of fine literature do, you will find that the novels are about 50 percent romance. Plus, I've noticed that if you want to title one of those romance books, you combine an occupation with an action related to love. For example, "The Farmer's Kiss," "The Doctor's Proposal" and "The Lawyer's Embrace."
Enjoy your shopping.
