By Connor Doyle
Arizona Summer Wildcat
Wednesday July 24, 2002
As a student at UA, the next 4 to 9 years of your life will be pretty busy. Between the partying, sleeping and studying (perhaps not the latter) you might want to squeeze in a sporting event or a hundred. Hell, itās your obligation to attend college sports. Donāt ask me why, it just is. With that in mind, Iāve prepared a list of requirements for all of you as UA sports fans. Disobey at your own peril ·
Do · get season tickets for football.
Say what you want, but there is nothing in this world like live college football, even at a school like Arizona, which lacks the tradition of programs like Michigan, Notre Dame and Tennessee. No sport brings people together like football, and since thereās no student section at basketball games, itās your best opportunity to hang out with 15,000 other students just as intoxicated (with football, of course) as you and scream until youāre hoarse.
Do · something crazy at said football games.
Look, I know your idea of really getting into the game might be jingling your keys before every kickoff, but take the opportunity to make an ass out of yourself at least once in your college career at a televised sporting event. It can be quite rewarding. My sophomore year, six friends and I painted A-R-I-Z-O-N-A on our chests (some of us probably should never be seen without clothing) and got on the front page of the Arizona Daily Star the next morning. If thatās not cool, then I donāt know what is.
Do ... go to at least one menās basketball game a year.
Itās somewhat difficult to score ducats for the entire season, but Iām sure you can score at least one per season. Do it. While much is made of the geriatric nature of many UA fans, the bottom line is that itās still one of the best basketball experiences youāll ever have. Last season, I saw something that blew my mind ÷ UA coming back from a 20-point deficit against then No. 9 UCLA to win the game by 10 points. The crowd was so loud that Saturday it could have been Arco Arena. And it meant that no player on the hated Bruins squad had ever known what it was like to win at McKale.
Do · attend a home game for every team at least once in your college career.
This is perhaps the most important requirement, because itās rarely done. But I guarantee you wonāt be disappointed. Every sport has itās hook: the maniacal fans at softball games, the booming voice of Jimmy Zasa at baseball games, the guys who take their couches out to the sidelines at soccer games, the total excitement of a volleyball match and the constant chants with the word ćsuckä in them at Icecats games.
Do · buy UA gear.
If you hate Nike, then donāt read this paragraph. But for those of you who care to not involve yourself in apparel politics, Arizona has some fantastic gear. My personal favorite are the red uniforms for the menās basketball team, which are rarely used because the team canāt seem to win in them. Nonetheless, the shorts are worth every penny of the $40 price tag. If you donāt feel like shelling out major jack for the official stuff, then make sure you have at least a couple of red āZona shirts so youāll blend in at sporting events.
Do · play intramurals, early and often.
For all of us who are either in denial or totally comfortable with how much we suck at athletics, the dream of being a professional athlete has hopefully disappeared along with your teddy-bear collection. But it doesnāt mean you canāt tear up everyone at intramurals. Pretty much every sport is covered, and all of them have co-ed options that may actually facilitate close quarters with the opposite sex. It beats the hell out of that hair doll youāve been working on.
Do · go to the Rec Center.
I promise, no matter how much you suck it in, everyone sees that boiler.
Do · read the sports section of the Arizona Daily Wildcat on a daily basis.
Weāre more fun than the other sections, and probably a hell of a lot funnier too. Not that this column is an example of that.
And now for some quick ćDonātsä ·
Donāt · ever, ever, EVER ask a UA athlete for their autograph.
Sure, Luke Walton might be in the NBA one day, but the potential value of a signature on a piece of paper is not worth your dignity. I promise, itās never cool to ask a fellow student to sign an autograph. You will look ridiculous. And I can assure you if you do, anyone who witnesses the event will make fun of you for at least the next 24 hours. While Iām on the subject, donāt make a big deal out of meeting student-athletes. If you have a class with them, pretend you donāt already know their name. Treat them like normal kids, because they are. They just happen to be a hell of a lot more talented at something than you are.
Donāt · sit down at basketball games if the ball is in play.
For the love of god, I do not understand how itās so difficult to stand for a total of 40 minutes. If you have a job, you probably do that there, but you canāt do it at a basketball game? Quit being so lazy and get off your ass. And if some grandma starts screaming at you to sit down because she canāt see, politely inform her that the game is televised, and her overstuffed couch is probably a lot more comfortable than a plastic bucket seat.
Donāt · leave a game early, unless you or someone else is going to die.
Honestly, if I see you doing this, Iām going to kneecap you with a blackjack.
