Thursday October 25, 2001

Time. It's a scourge that's affected man since the damn thing started. What to do with it? How to avoid doing something useful with it? These questions bothered great scientists and thinkers until the invention of one thing - the Internet.

Suddenly, time was a thing of the past. Users of this "World Wide Web" would look up and realize four hours had gone by. Jobs were lost, students were dropped from their classes, and the world rejoiced.

Those still plagued by Bastard Time: There is still hope! Simply visit the sites below, and start wasting time.

www.homestarrunner.com Web animation at its best. Homestar Runner and other characters are featured in Web cartoons that could rival anything on Saturday morning television.

www.obscurestore.com Web master Jim Romenesko compiles links to the weirdest news stories from daily U.S. newspapers. It makes even the best stories from Police Beat seem tame. It's like reading the National Enquirer without the guilt.

Yes, everyone knows about the Onion (but if you don't, it's www.theonion.com, stupid). But the Modern Humorist is another site that combines fake news and pop culture just as well.

www.fray.com A Web site dedicated to people telling stories about their lives. The description for this site reads: "The fray is a place for people who believe the Web is about personal expression and a new kind of art." That would sound pretentious if the site didn't pull it off so well.

www.mcsweeneys.net Web version of the hipster quarterly magazine McSweeney's, started by writer Dave Eggers. Eggers wrote the critically acclaimed novel "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius." This site features his writing as well as writing from other young postmodernists.

www.isketch.net: A Shockwave version of the classic game Pictionary. Play against other users and draw your own pictures for people to guess at.

www.sissyfight.com Difficult to explain, but hard to stop playing, Sissyfight pits you against other users in a game of playground domination. There are no bullies on this playground though; all the characters are little girls who can either tattle on each other, spread gossip about one another, or gang up and pull each other's hair.

www.diaryland.com Read thousands of online diaries, from middle school girls writing about crushes, to virile swingers writing about their sexual conquests. It's voyeurism without the restraining order.

www.theonion.com OK, so maybe that comment about not knowing the Onion was a little harsh. But everyone should know the Onion by now, since it's the best source of Web humor around. Headlines include "Vegetarian Opens Can Of Meatless Whup-Ass" and "Kid Rock Starves To Death: MP3 Piracy Blamed."