Shane Dale

Printed in yesterday's Wildcat was a story on the balance of power between men and women in relationships ("Professor reveals secret to improving relationships").

Why doesn't he call back when he said he would? Is it all right to call her even though it's only been a day?

Or worse: What if the girl thinks they're in a relationship, but the guy sees her as nothing more than a "convenient friend?"

This old, constant social struggle is played out by two distinct groups of people: The dominant and the desperate.

There are the dominant individuals who rarely have to search long and hard for a date, who emit confidence even when he or she isn't trying, and who never, ever end up sitting impatiently by the phone on a Friday night waiting for their romantic interest to call.

Then there's the flip side ÷ the desperate side. Desperation is not totally intangible. The dominants can see it in your eyes, hear it in the inflection of your voice, and in extreme cases of desolation, even smell it. The desperates are the people who end up sitting by the phone late at night ÷ and more often than not, end up disappointed.

To be sure, there are varying degrees of desperation. There's subtle desperation, where one party will call up the other for some general, irrelevant purpose in the pitiable hope of gaining enough courage to ask the person out during the conversation. There's quiet desperation, in which the desperate party gives the dominant party subtle hints that he's into her, but isn't bold enough to actually make the move to ask out the dominant party for fear of being exposed as the desperate soul he or she is.

And then of course, there's blatant desperation, where one party (99 percent of the time, the guy) calls the other at least once a day to practically plea for a date. Unfortunately, this strategy only works if the other party is in the same stage of hopelessness.

If you're wondering why she hasn't called back after three days when she said she would, and you find yourself trying to justify a reason for calling her without sounding pathetic ÷ forget it. It won't happen. If she's remotely interested, she will call you back eventually. Yes, maybe she did get sidetracked with a family emergency or school project. Or maybe she forgot to mention that she would be out of town for the weekend. So what? No, she did not lose your number; if you're even remotely important to her, she will call.

Otherwise, it's game over. You lose. In the name of your gender's integrity and your own, move on with your dignity intact.

Not all hope is lost for desperates, though. The same rules apply for desperation as they do for confidence: Just as the appearance of confidence is as important as actually having it, the art of not appearing desperate is just as important as ÷ if not more important than ÷ not being desperate.

The shrewd and self-aware desperate can occasionally be clever enough to pull the wool over a dominant's eyes long enough to get his or her foot in the door. Wow the dominant party with some authentic charm long enough to score a date and showcase your skills, and you just might give yourself a shot to shed that desperate label ÷ if only for a short while.

This isn't to suggest that the dominants have it easy and live on some higher plane of existence. They're more prone to play head games with their partners ÷ and be played right back. They're more likely to jump from relationship to unsatisfying relationship, which may be just fine in a time in their lives when conquest is king (and that doesn't apply exclusively to guys), but could slowly creep up as a curse on the dominants once they want to settle down a little.

Desperates often don't have a choice but to settle down once they find someone ÷ and that someone will almost certainly be a fellow desperate. But this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Desperates will be less probable to look to trade up, and will be more willing to appreciate what they've found in each other.

The negative? You're labeled for life. The positive? What you do with that label is entirely up to you.

Now get up and get the hell away from the phone.