Photo courtesy of the Zsa Zsa's The Zsa Zsa's Monster Mash Halloween Party will begin a two-night gig at Club Congress tonight with the Halloween Bash. Guests can expect a decorated Hotel Congress and an ugliest/best costume contest.

Foreigners have been immigrating to the United States for centuries with the hopes of building a brighter future. Their journey usually begins by acquiring low-level income jobs that many American citizens do not want, such as landscaping, picking crops and performing cover songs.

Tucson's The Zsa Zsas are an example of such American ingenuity.

"They are from the nation of Lotsaslavia," Curtis McCrary, bar manager and booking agent at Club Congress, said. "It's a neighbor of Lithuania and Slovenia."

The Zsa Zsas have built their reputation on reinterpreting musical pieces of American popular culture with a distinct Euro-trash zest.

"It's heavily accented bastardization of American rock lyrics," McCrary said. "It's very much in Eastern European tradition."

McCrary recalls his first live Zsa Zsas experience.

"I vomited all over my shoes," McCrary said. "Once I recovered from that, I phoned the American embassy in Lotsaslavia and insisted that their country do something about getting them back to their own country. They obviously don't belong here."

The title of "local band" is not something Zsa Zsas creator/front man Milos Sucrose feels comfortable with.

Where and When . . . The Zsa Zsa's Monster Mash Halloween Party starts tonight at 8 p.m. at Club Congress, 311 E. Congress St. The show is 21-and-over and costs $5. Call 622-8848 for more information.

"San Francisco, New York ÷ you name it, we play it," Sucrose said "We're a big band, you see. We're not small fries like the locals. That's why we can't just play bullshit shows like everything else. They get the big cash, we can play the show."

The band gained national recognition after getting on VH1's now-defunct game show, "Cover Wars," in which contestant bands would compete against each other by playing cover songs, while celebrity judges decided the victors.

One judge in particular got the Zsa Zsas' body odor festering.

"I have nothing wrong with Sebastian Bach," Sucrose said, "he ended up being very nice to us, but he's just maybe the dumbest man I have ever met in my life."

This animosity for the former Skid Row lead singer may stem from the fact that the Zsa Zsas lost the show, although not without a protest.

"We go on (the) show, we know every song that's ever been written," Sucrose said. "We clearly beat both bands following their rules, and the other band wins. I'm not kidding. This is not bullshit. There was a fixing. It's all politics. It's (a) bullshit show. You watch the show, you see the evidence there."

Miercoles Sucrose, bassist for the Zsa Zsas, said the band expressed its anger through a karmic catharsis.

"We had a life-size Sebastian Bach pi–ata that we beat the shit out of," Miercoles Sucrose said. "We actually had a midget beat the shit out of it."

Milos Sucrose promised the presence of midgets at tonight and tomorrow night's shows, which will follow in the band's tradition of gigging for holiday-themed events.

"This stupid joint over here (Congress) usually gets us to do a thing, this or the Rialto place," Milos Sucrose said. "If it's like a Halloween or St. Patrick's Day, Groundhog's Day, where they have extra money to throw around, they hire us to come in. We are the best entertainment in America."

The Zsa Zsas are also taking the path of Moby and the Rolling Stones by getting corporate sponsorship.

"Since we've got our Tequiza sponsorship," Milos Sucrose said, "we've found that the money keeps flowing like cool, warm Tequiza."

The band decided on a Tequiza sponsorship after they received an offer they couldn't refuse.

"We sort of decided it was a liquor that would be befitting of the Zsa Zsas," Milos Sucrose said. "We found that absolutely no American would ever taste the stuff, and they were desperate."

The band has developed a unique kinship with their tequila/beer hybrid beverage.

"I don't think any of them (the band) actually like it," Milos Sucrose said. "I don't think anybody likes Tequiza."

The band also claims to be working on a pilot for a musical game show that they say will be pitched to MTV, VH1 and Comedy Central, with a test run being performed tomorrow night at Club Congress.

"This is practice for the real show," Milos Sucrose said. "No bullshit here. The reason we're doing this game show is these motherfuckers out in New York are going to send us money to start pilot for (a) real game show. I'll fart on a stick if they want me to."

Others have their doubts as to Milos Sucrose's game show boasts.

"They (Zsa Zsas) would like you to believe they are going to turn it into (European accent) Înational TV show,' but I think that's a myth," McCrary said. "I think they're making that up."

Participants in tomorrow night's game show should expect good times, but might want to bring rubber gloves for sanitary reasons.

"There will probably be some kind of sexual hijinks," McCrary said, "but I'm not at liberty to really go into that. We don't want to get shut down by the public health commission before it even gets started. Anything involving Eastern Europeans and the removal of clothing, obviously there's a cleanliness issue there."