Illustration by Arnie Bermudez

Plaid, guilt and other things Catholic

What with Ash Wednesday coming up and all, I'm nostalgic for my days in Catholic school.

Being in Catholic school shaped me - whether for the good or bad remains to be seen - as I can attribute most of my strengths and neuroses to that time in my life. Though no doubt the Catholic school's environment was better than that in the public schools in my area, there were some obvious drawbacks, most notably the use of a ruler in things other than just measuring. Sometimes I still have flashbacks of a frail nun with a name like Sister Mary Francis and a top speed of 2.3 mph who could wield 12 inches of cheap cardboard like the spirit of Zorro himself. Even today, walking into an Office Depot is enough to send me into panic attacks.

Still, some of my more unforgettable memories come from that time of my life. One of my favorites is the times during Mass when my friends and I would try to sneak in a few more swigs of the Communion wine before the Eucharistic minister would catch on. Then, there was the unavoidable curse that goes along with being a Catholic schoolgirl - trying to hang from the monkey bars without revealing your underpants. Of course, some girls were more entrepreneurial, like my friend Tiffany, who would charge boys a quarter for a peek.

Susan Bonicillo Columnist

However, telling people of my former days spent among crucifixes and catechism doesn't elicit the same sort of innocent, parochial school misadventures that I feel.

There's a certain mystique surrounding the Catholic schoolgirl; not surprisingly, this mystique comes mainly from men. When I tell guys that I too proudly donned the plaid skirt and unbearably itchy matching sweater vest, their eyes light up and a barrage of questions flow. What was it like? Did you go to an all-girls school? And more importantly, do you still have your uniform?

Yet, there's more to Roman Catholicism than impossibly short skirts, a pair of knee-high socks and the heterosexual male fantasy of a repressed, pent-up sexuality that will inevitably explode and lay waste to the man lucky enough to tap into the erotic gold mine.

Besides providing a significant market for the plaid skirt industry, Roman Catholicism is also a religion. However, unlike the heyday that we experienced during the Middle Ages, today's society presents major challenges for those living the faith. Though the more obvious challenges come from external sources, Catholics themselves provide some misconceptions of the faith.

The source of this internal problem revolves around a major concept in the Roman Catholic religion. No, it's not transubstantiation, the continuing practice of indulgences or even the infallibity of the pope. It's guilt.

Truly, a strong motivation for most Catholics in terms of what they do or don't do is motivated by the wrath of the Almighty. Even to its practitioners, Catholicism is a religion in which the perceived philosophy is, "If it feels good, don't do it."

No doubt there are Catholics - I'm not an exception - who classify things into what will or will not get them into hell.

There's no one who describes the peculiar problem of being a Catholic better than my personal hero, the writer-director Kevin Smith. In his 1999 movie "Dogma," Salma Hayek's character responds to Linda Fiorentino's lapsed Catholic attitude by saying, "I have issues with anyone who treats faith as a burden instead of a blessing. You people don't celebrate your faith; you mourn it."

Without a doubt, all this negative talk is taking all the fun out of organized religion.

What started off as a mysterious, lovey-dovey minority within the Roman Empire has blossomed into this massive, guilt-inducing ideology created by well- meaning, albeit misguided, people who distorted the original message.

Ultimately (cue the sappy, inspirational music), Catholicism is about forgiveness. Though sacrifice and penance is a part of the process, they shouldn't overshadow the intended purpose of providing a greater sense of peace and reconciliation with one's misdeeds in the past.

Since the Lenten season is almost upon us, it seems all the more appropriate to clarify how Catholicism is actually being practiced and perceived versus its intended meaning.

With Ash Wednesday rolling around, Catholics across campus will kick off Lent, a ritual mimicking of Christ's time in the desert. So, when Wednesday comes and you see people walking around with smudges on their foreheads, please resist the maternal urge to wipe it off. We mean to do that, and for the next few weeks, we will be in a very penitent mode. Or at least until Easter.

Susan Bonicillo is a journalism sophomore and her Lenten promise is to stop actively gunning for pigeons with her car. She can be reached at mailto:letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.