Phil Parsatoon pre-pharmacy freshman

Freshman can't make a 3-point shot, doesn't like it when people make fun of his friends

Wildcat: Hey you, come over here.

Parsatoon: Um, all right. What's this for?

Wildcat: I'm Claire, and you're on the spot.

Parsatoon: I'm on the spot?! Oh, no!

Wildcat: Yes, yes you are. So I was walking around looking for someone to interview, and I saw you and your friend playing basketball. And you guys suck pretty bad.

Parsatoon: Thank you. We were just warming up.

Wildcat: You're welcome. And that's OK. I'm sure I suck worse. I had a little game in high school ... but that's about it. Show me your best shot.

Parsatoon: I guess a 3-pointer. Hopefully I'll make it. (Phil steps to the line ... he shoots ... and ... rims out)

Wildcat: And ... ya missed.

Parsatoon: Well, I'm not gonna make any excuses. I missed it and that's that.

Wildcat: You don't seem easily offended. What would I have to say to offend you?

Parsatoon: You'd probably have to make fun of my friends, because I don't like it when people make fun of my friends.

Wildcat: Have you ever passed one in the grocery store and blamed it on someone else?

Parsatoon: Of course! Who doesn't?

Wildcat: My friend did that to me the other day and it was REALLY loud.

Parsatoon: Wow, it can't be too loud in the grocery store. I'm a pretty quiet guy, as you can tell.

Wildcat: What's the craziest thing you've ever done? Stay up past midnight?

Parsatoon: I usually don't sleep at all.

Wildcat: Have you ever had any strange hallucinations as a result of sleep deprivation?

Parsatoon: Sometimes I'll think people are saying things to me when they aren't. That sounds kinda crazy.

Wildcat: Have you ever had a visit from the people in the paddy wagon? You know, the people with the giant butterfly nets that come and take you to the nice, safe padded cells.

Parsatoon: No, I would like to though. Hey, just tell them if they're bored to come after me. I'll take 'em on. That can be my new wild and crazy thing.