Illustration by Arnie Bermudez

I don't normally do this, but I've been smoking like a chimney for the past week. From chomping away at fat, Groucho Marx-worthy stogies to taking drags on cigarettes bummed from friends, I've been puffing away to my heart's content and my lungs' horror.

It does seem ridiculous that people still smoke in this day and age, after being exposed to all the research and information warning about the hazards of smoking; the graphic pictures of the ravaged innards of some poor, long-gone tobacco fiend; and the ubiquitous public service announcements with those beyond obnoxious, supposedly trendy hipster kids with the complicated shoes terrorizing unsuspecting citizens with a variety of highly public and at times annoying stunts.

Yet, despite the nay-saying and disapproval, in the face of all those commercials featuring the now-repentant and mournful woman forced to burp her words through a hole in her trachea, the tobacco plant will continue to find that its services are required.

For those who don't smoke, who don't understand the joy and contentment found in the simple device of rolled-up paper and dried leaves, let me fill you in.

Susan Bonicillo Columnist

There's nothing like the artistic appeal of a cigarette. All in all, it's a beautiful process from start to finish. You begin with lighting your sin stick, the dancing flame twisting and trembling in the air, making a valiant effort to marry fire and tobacco. Then, you have the first inhalation, the crackling paper making crisp sounds like those of newly fallen leaves underfoot. Finally, you end with the exhalation as clouds of smoke emanate from your mouth and swirl around in an aerial ballet. Indeed, it's worth smoking for the aesthetic value alone.

However, though you might be swayed by the look alone, there's more to smoking than that.

In God's great benevolence to mankind, He has given us tobacco to ease us through life's troubles. Very little in this world can amount to the relaxation gained from a cigarette. Perhaps rivaled only by things like a pound of chocolate, a strong back massage or a long-distance phone call to an old friend, tobacco - in all its forms - brings you some respite from this weary world, if for just that brief period of time that the cigarette still rests between your fingers.

Looking at it from another perspective, smoking very well may be the shy person's antidote. The fact that smoking has such a stigma placed on it only aids the creation of a stronger, more defiant personality. Any would-be rebel has to start somewhere, and what better way is there to defy convention than by putting your own health and that of the people around you in jeopardy?

For the timid and shy out there, for your sake, pick up a pack today and don't stop smoking until you've integrated the f-bomb into your daily vocabulary and cultivated a deep, strong love for loud rock music.

Yet despite our supposed bad-ass attitudes, smokers have feelings, too. Don't think we don't notice the looks of disapproval thrown at us by the nonsmokers out there, clucking their tongues and shaking their heads just because we so happen to enjoy the finer things in life.

It does put a serious damper on things when, while innocently trying to enjoy the fresh, clean, invigorating air of Tucson with cigarette in hand, some stranger walks up to you and recites the list of evils of tobacco they got from officer Do-Good and grade school DARE classes.

All the antagonism and resentment from those vigilant nonsmokers almost makes me want to quit.

However, my parents didn't raise a quitter.

Granted, smoking does have its drawbacks, but there are many people out there more deserving of scorn - for instance, the people who refuse to let this trucker hat trend die, the guys from Orange County who claim Los Angeles as their hometown just to give themselves a reason to act like straight-up gangsters, and Tucson drivers who don't know how to use a turn signal.

In the meantime, leave us smokers to our devices. Though we may reek and die earlier than the rest of you, let me leave you a little wisdom from one of our greatest modern-day philosophers, Denis Leary: "Smoking takes 10 years off your life. Well, it's the 10 worst years, isn't it, folks? It's the ones at the end! It's the wheelchair-kidney-dialysis-fucking years. You can have those years! We don't want 'em, all right!?" And with that in mind, light up, everyone, and have a good day.

Susan Bonicillo is a sophomore majoring in English. She can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.