Christopher Wuensch staff writer

Will all 36,847 UA students please stand up?

Thank you.

Now, those not interested in this year's Major League Baseball playoffs may sit down. The remaining 35,500 please be patient. It's time for us to figure something out here.

Those of you not pulling for the Cubs or Red Sox can go elsewhere ÷ you are excused as well. At this point, being from New Jersey, I would have left the room. Go Yankees.

OK, we are down to 34,000. Let's test your knowledge of your self-proclaimed new favorite teams: the Chicago Cubs and the Boston Red Sox.

If you live or have lived in either Illinois or Massachusetts, remain standing. Have you been to a Red Sox or Cubs game in the past year? I'll even include going up to Bank One Ballpark in Phoenix to see them. You can stay on your feet.

If you think the "Green Monster" is the mascot from monster.com, don't just sit down, do us all a favor and just walk out the door.

Can you tell me the curse of the "Billy Goat?" ÷ the blight that Chicago tavern owner "Billy Goat" Sianis levied on the 1945 Chicago Cubs after he and his goat were denied entry into Wrigley Field for the fourth game of the World Series? If not, please sit.

Here's an easier one.

Tell me the most famous curse of all time and I'll let you keep standing. Here's a hint: it's not the one Dick Tomey hexed the Wildcat football squad with three years ago. Rather, it's the curse of the Babe.

Then-Red Sox owner Harry Frazee sold the legendary Yankee slugger to the Bronx Bombers to fund his musical "No, No Nanette." If you didn't know that before, then you know it now. Please sit.

Here's a tough one, but if you're a true Bean-Town fan, you should know this. Back in 1986, if the Sox didn't let the World Series roll through their legs, the MVP of the Fall Classic would have been starting pitcher Bruce Hurst. Hurst started three games, winning two of them. Unfortunately, Bo-Sox skipper John McNamara yanked Hurst ÷ who was pitching masterfully in Game 7 ÷ only to see his relief corps blow the lead, the series and a chance to wipe away the curse. Take the name Bruce Hurst and rearrange the letters and what do you get?

B Ruth Curse.

You can't make this stuff up.

Does the name Bucky Dent send shivers down your spine?

How about some trivia: North or South ÷ which side of the Windy City do the Cubs play on? Ernie Banks is the greatest player ever to do what? The answers will come later.

I've heard all the pro-Cubs and pro-Red Sox arguments. "They are lovable losers and underdogs." You can't say you love the lovable losers; if that were the case, then everyone would be an Arizona Cardinals football fan.

The real Red Sox fans can tell me the difference between a Fenway Frank and a Yankee Stadium Dawg. The answer? They don't sell Fenway Franks in October.

Just because 481 (or .0135 percent) of the UA populous hails from Illinois doesn't give the rest of you permission to rename Tucson "Wrigley Field Southwest." For Shoeless Joe Jackson's sake, the White Sox train here. You know, those Sox haven't won in 84 years; I don't see anyone rushing to jump on their bandwagon.

Speaking of the White Sox, they own the South Side of Chicago and Banks ÷ a Cubs Hall of Fame shortstop ÷ was the greatest player never to win a World Series, but it doesn't matter if you got that right or wrong; you've been sitting for a while now.

I will permit the 131 of you Wildcats that rightfully claim Massachusetts as your home to turn Arizona red at the slightest mention of Bill Buckner. For the rest of you, there is no excuse. Heck, I'll even concede the 26 Vermont-ans, 31 New Hampshire-ers and 19 Maine-enites as Bo-Sox loyalists. You 76 may remain standing.

By now there are very few of you still standing ÷ my counts says less than three percent of the original 36,000-plus. For the rest of you, when you decide to dress yourself for class tomorrow, if you're not one of the few still standing ÷ or reading this column ÷ please leave the Cubs or Red Sox fatigues at home. Put on something red ÷ Arizona red.

Christopher Wuensch is a journalism senior and can be reached at sports@wildcat.arizona.edu