photo courtesy of new line cinema "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," a remake of the classic 1974 horror film proves white people from Texas are still scary.

"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" made me happy. It made me jump, cringe, gasp, and spastically kick the 12-year-old kid sitting next to me. Heart racing, I tore my eyes away from the screen for a moment to apologize, but he hadn't noticed, and so I returned my attention to Jessica Biel and Leather Face and again, I was happy.

There are so many reasons to see "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" that I don't even know where to start my whole-hearted recommendations. This is partially because there is nothing specifically redeeming about this film. The dialogue is bad. The costuming is bad (they've got the kid from "The Ring" duded up with Bubba-teeth). The plot is used up. Most of the cast is beyond ugly, so far beyond ...

And yet, there is something, something in my gut that tells me to tell you to see this film - and here's why.

You will have a good time. I can almost guarantee it. If you enjoy gore, you will have a good time. If you enjoy suspenseful movies that make you jump, you will have a good time. If you enjoy pot humor (God bless you) you will have a good time. If you, like so many of us, enjoy watching Jessica Biel do anything, including running through a slaughterhouse in a bloody, wet tank top (Amen!), you will have a very good time.

None of these elements alone, save maybe the last, could hold up one and a half hour's worth of film. But together, they do a pretty good job.

If you haven't seen the original 1974 film, here's a little lowdown on the plot, based loosely on true events. Somewhere in the backwoods of Texas, the Hewitts, a clan of ugly, white, poor people have made an art of waylaying and murdering passersby. The Hewitt family has an especially reserved dislike for pretty people, due to the fact that their oldest boy suffered from a face-eating disease in his youth. The disease left his face eaten - you may think this statement redundant, but it bears repeating. Apparently he's been teased about this, and he and his family are, in so many words, resentful.

Enter van full of beautiful young people with hopeful futures (or so they think! - wa-ha-ha-ha!) and great bodies. The group wanders onto the scene after pulling over to aid a dehydrated young woman they find wandering along the side of the highway.

She's pretty, but a little crazy-eyed, a little bloodied up, and you don't even want to know where she keeps her gun. One thing leads to another and the van ends up at an old mill very close to the Hewitt property. This is not a coincidence; the town has lured them to the mill ... in order to kill them in horrific ways and steal their skin.

Because - Leather Face does not use traditional leather to make his masks.

Implements of murder are not limited to the eponymous chainsaw of Texas. Meat hooks, knives and other sharp, rusty objects are also used with equal deadliness.

If you take your film viewing way too seriously, or if you enjoy overwrought dramas like the current, silly "Mystic River," or if you just don't like horror movies, then you probably won't like this one either. Still, I liked it. It made me jump and gasp and cringe and kick that kid. It made me happy.

Is it the best movie of all time? No. Is it the most fun you'll have in a dark room full of strangers this month? Could be.