SAUL LOEB/Arizona Daily Wildcat Jessica Harrison, a second-semester nursing student, takes a moment to reflect during a candlelight vigil at the College of Nursing for the one year anniversary of the deaths of three professors.

Campus reflects on shooting's anniversary

Nursing student Sheila Contapay-Tabilin was in the middle of taking a midterm Oct. 28, 2002, when a loud pounding interrupted her concentration.

Little did she know that what she thought was construction noise was actually the sound of her fellow nursing students fleeing for their lives.

Contapay-Tabilin can still hear the sound of students pounding on the classroom's first-floor window.

"I had no idea. We were all kind of like, 'What's going on?'" she said.

It wasn't until she went up to a crying girl in the parking lot that Contapay-Tabilin learned of the murders that had just taken place three floors above her.

A year ago today, Robert S. Flores Jr., opened fire in the College of Nursing, killing three professors and then himself. It was the bloodiest day in UA history.

Flores shot and killed Robin E. Rogers in her second-floor office. He then moved upstairs to Room 470, where he shot and killed Cheryl M. McGaffic and Barbara S. Monroe in front of a room full of students taking a midterm.

Fearing for their lives, students hid underneath their desks until Flores yelled for them to "get the hell out." After the room had emptied, Flores turned one of his five guns on himself.

Vigil Video Clip QuickTime [1.8 MB] Courtesy of UATV

A year after the tragic murders of three of its professors, life in the College of Nursing might appear to be back to normal, but the events of that day still weigh heavily on the minds of many.

"It's going to be with us forever," Contapay-Tabilin said. "This is our history. It's going to be a part of the College of Nursing for a very long time."

While the events of that day will always be with them, the college is trying to look toward the future.

Swept under the rug

But for students who enrolled in the college after the shootings, the college might be trying to move on too quickly.

Christina Zimmerman, a second semester nursing student, said she wishes her teachers would talk more openly about the tragedy.

"It's often swept under the rug," Zimmerman said. "I would feel more comfortable if they could tell me what happened."

Although Zimmerman and her classmates are aware of last year's murders, they said they feel strongly disconnected because they weren't a part of the college at the time.

"No one ever really talks about it," said Lindsey Austin, a second semester nursing student.

In the month leading up to the anniversary, officials in the college told reporters that only five faculty members and one student were willing to talk with the media about the shootings.

Though a few more people later chose to talk, many students, faculty and staff didn't respond to e-mails and phone calls asking for comments for this article.

CLAIRE C. LAURENCE/Arizona Daily Wildcat Associate Clinical Professor Carol Feingold wraps up a day in the Patient Care Learning Center at the College of Nursing last Friday with first semester nursing students Lourdes Colin, left, Niki Ritchie, Juliann Arnold and Kim Prince.

At one point, reporters were asked by administrators to stop contacting people not on the list.

Vicki Radoye, assistant dean of student affairs in the college, said that it is a human reaction to want to know more about a tragedy, but said the college doesn't want to dwell on the negative.

"I don't know what there is to discuss," she said. "They paid an enormous price."

With over 150 new students enrolled in the college since the shootings, many did not experience the tragedy firsthand; nor did they have the opportunity to have the women as teachers, said Marjorie Isenberg, dean of the College of Nursing.

Isenberg said that many of the students who did know the women have since graduated, and the college doesn't want to bring up old wounds.

"Many of them weren't here and did not experience the event," Isenberg said. "They may not have known or have ever worked with these women before."

It's going to be with us forever. This is our history. It's going to be a part of the College of Nursing for a long time - Sheila Contapay-Tabilin fifth semester nursing student

It is for this very reason that Terry Badger, a nursing professor, said the college doesn't spend a lot of time talking to new students about last year's tragedy.

"We want their experience here to be enjoyable, so we are not bringing it up," Badger said. "They will not have the depth, feeling or grief as others have."

Although faculty members don't wish to relive last year's tragedy in their classroom discussions, they can't forget the memories of that day.

Professors remembered by those whose lives they affected Robin Rogers She was the kind of instructor whose door was always open. We often think, if only she had closed her door ... But that wasn't her -Sheila Contapay-Tabilin fifth semester nursing student I knew no matter what we could always meet with her. Whether it was personal or not, she was always there for us. - Elizabeth Nocera fifth semester nursing student

Cheryl McGaffic Sometimes it doesn't hurt so much when you find something to laugh about - A line McGaffic wrote in a story about a nursing experience. She had a passion for social justice ... I pray that we honor her death each time we are caring for someone who is suffering - Carol Feingold clinical associate professor of nursing Nurses now for many years, we're looking for replacements / professors who all have aging thighs. - A song lyric written by McGaffic to the tune of Yankee Doodle. McGaffic performed this song with Mary Vincenz and Carol Feingold at a student talent show. Vincenz keeps the words to the song among other memories of he friend in a file in her office.

Barbara Monroe She loved her students so much, she didn't want them to take (class) so seriously. - Jane Black Tucson Medical Center nurse who used to teach at the College of Nursing She would always say to me, 'What are you doing here? You need to go home and play with your daughter. - Sheila Contapay-Tabilin Monroe used to play with Sheila's daughter who now asks, "Where's the teacher with the teddy bears?"

A painful reminder

Mary Vincenz, a clinical associate professor in the college, is still brought to tears when she remembers the murders of her colleagues.

"We're getting along, we're doing our work, but, when we start focusing on what happened, it's really painful," Vincenz said.

Many in the College of Nursing have trouble talking about last year's tragedy as it brings the horrific events of that day back to the forefronts of their minds.

"It's a revisitation of the wounds that were inflicted on us one year ago," Vincenz said. "It's difficult now that it's all at the center again."

Vincenz was on her way out of her house to give a presentation in the classroom where Monroe and McGaffic had just been killed when her daughters yelled for her to come back inside after seeing the news report on the television.

Vincenz frantically began dialing down the faculty directory beginning at the letter A.

It wasn't until she reached M that she learned that one of her closest friends, Cheryl McGaffic, was one of the victims, and she burst into tears and began to pray.

Ken Marsh, director of the UA's Counseling and Psychological Services, said the stages of grief include a rollercoaster of emotions, and everyone deals with grief differently.

It is important to work through grief and, by doing that, you are honoring the lives of these women, he said.

Vincenz, whose office was only a few doors down from McGaffic's, keeps a purple folder with stories McGaffic wrote about her experiences as a nurse in the bottom drawer of her filing cabinet.

"Purple was Cheryl's favorite color," Vincenz said as she leafed through the pages from the friend she knew for more than 14 years.

"I know it's there when I need to look at it," Vincenz said. She hugged the folder to her chest. "It's my purple Cheryl file."

Jane Black, a Tucson Medical Center nurse who used to teach in the College of Nursing, still can't shake off the devastation of the day.

"I don't have a sense of getting over it," Black said through her tears. "It doesn't feel any different. Time just has a way of making it feel less prominent."

Although Black no longer teaches at the college, she still feels a strong connection to what happened, and she thought a lot about what she could do to honor the victims one year later.

Black still carries a worn-out commemorative ribbon on her purse that she received from last year's memorial service.

For the anniversary, she made similar clay ribbons and will hand them out at the college in honor of the victims.

President Peter Likins said the murders have made the UA campus realize that tragedy can happen anywhere.

"We go through life imagining all the mayhem we hear on the news doesn't happen to us," Likins said. "It was a shocking realization that bad things can happen to us too."

Radoye said she still jumps when the fire alarm sounds in the college, as last year's tragic events come flooding back to her.

"It was an assault on all of us. It was something that happened to all of us and we will always share that," Radoye said.

Radoye said that although the college was devastated by what happened, they will not let it ruin their lives. She said the college must be strong and move forward, although pain may still remain.

Radoye said she thinks students who were in the college last year will become better nurses because of the grief and loss they were forced to endure.

"One person destroyed three lives, but not all of ours," she said. "He didn't win."