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West Side Goldfish
North Park Avenue fish pond
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By by Nathan Tafoya
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Thursday, November 6, 2003
Fish might have a lot to say, but seem shy when pressured to speak for publication
Wildcat: Yo, Mr. Fish. You're in the water and I'm On the Spot. I feel like we could be friends if you'd just sit still for a minute.
(Mister Fish does nothing)
Wildcat: Wait. Before we start. I got a poem for you. "Four little fishies in a pond/one by himself - no friendship bond/then a turtle a swam by and kicked him in his thigh/the Four Gold Fishies song. That's it. How did you like that?
(Mister Fish does nothing)
Wildcat: See, I think you're lucky. I'll tell you why ... you can take a crap wherever you want. Human beings have to go to this thing called a bathroom. And I'm really opposed to this whole bathroom thing ... it's just so institutionalized, really.
(Mister Fish does nothing)
Wildcat: Yo, Mr. Fish. I need you to come a little closer. I feel like you're not paying attention to me over there. So move closer, huh?
(Mister Fish does nothing)
Wildcat: One thing I don't envy you for is this pond, you know what I'm saying? It's kind of small. I guess we both have our ups and downs in our environment. You live in freedom, but your freedom is confined to a limited space. And I have unlimited freedom, but I have to go to the bathroom in confined spaces. I don't know what that means, but ... Oh look! The turtle's back.
(A turtle swims across the pond)
Wildcat: Mr. Fish, there's some people coming up on me right now, and I'm afraid they might think I'm a little strange. If they see me talking to you, I might have to cut this short ... oh wait, they went behind a bush ... hold on ...
(Mister Fish does nothing)
Wildcat: Hey, you know what really bothers me? Birds. They've got no consideration. And after a hard day's work, I go back to my car and I've got poop all over my window. On my window! That makes me feel so violated.
(Mister Fish does nothing)
Wildcat: But I don't know how long this On the Spot's going. I've never had just a one-sided On the Spot before. But I think you were a good participant. You were a player. I give you props, Mr. Fish. See you around. Take care.
