Ramiro Peru accounting senior

Senior wants homeless to steal his Îcool' old broken television, burned arm while making pasta on grill

Wildcat: Hi, my name's Nathan.

Peru: Nathan, what's up man?

Wildcat: And you're On the Spot.

Peru: Oh, I always wanted to be On the Spot. On the backside of the front page?

Wildcat: Yeah.

Peru: Yeah. I always wanted to be On the Spot.

Wildcat: Me too. This is your chance to say something brilliant.

Peru: I have nothing to say that's brilliant and I'm not brilliant. So·

Wildcat: This is your moment to·your opportunity for glory.

Peru: Alright, alright: "Sometimes in life, you have to realize a poor investment and cut your losses." Write that down.

Wildcat: I have it recorded.

Peru: That's it. That's my wise saying.

Wildcat: You have a T.V. on your porch. Do you watch T.V. on your porch?

Peru: It's broken. It doesn't work.

Wildcat: That explains the dust.

Peru: This was like the coolest T.V. I ever had. It was built in 1983. It's 20 years old. I moved it from my old house to my new house. I tried turning it on. It didn't work.

Wildcat: That's like your first Atari cartridge breaking or something.

Peru: Oh, I was so mad. This is my T.V. This was built when I was three years old and it's gone now. It doesn't work anymore and now I'm just hoping for some homeless guy to steal it. Yeah. That's all I want. And, that desk. I don't want that desk either. I've had that desk since I was a freshman and now I have better stuff.

Wildcat: So what happened with the scars on your arm?

Peru: I was cooking. I was cooking some pasta and I went to grab it. So I went to grab it and I touched this spot. It was one of those gas grills, you know? You can set anything you want on top of it.

Wildcat: Gas grills are awesome.

Peru: But, um, I went to go grab it and for some reason I touched it and it tipped over and· [Peru makes hissing, steaming, burning noises] it burned the hell out of me.

Wildcat: Wow. Reality sandwich.