This one goes out to my dad - who got me the Sonicare Advance 4000 toothbrush for Christmas. Thanks, Dad.

I thought I'd write this column about cleansing your body of gross detritus. That's what I'm all about lately. Get the detritus out. Who wants it? Who needs it? Not me - I'm living clean, teeth to toes.

And guess what: You're carrying more hang-on gunk around with you than you think. Wash your hair, scrub your nails, Sonicare your teeth - you think you're clean? Think again, sucker. Sure, good hygiene is a step in the right direction. But I hear that, on average, Americans carry roughly 15 pounds of useless glop around with them wherever they go. I mean in your large intestine. Undigested disgusting grime is coating your intestines. What are you going to do about it?

I heard this unsettling information in the land of celebrity colonics, Los Angeles. Although my source is a radio show, I have no reason to believe the DJs would want to misinform the public about its intestines. These were good, law-abiding, hardworking DJs. The information was spread in the best interest of the public. Now, I'm taking the word from the streets of L.A. to the sidewalks of the UA. And here it is.

Well, I already said it.

Our intestines are loaded. Let's clean 'em out!

It turns out that Americans eat so much processed food and so many foods made with animal-based ingredients that our bodies can't naturally digest all of it. Most of the indigestible stuff comes out the natural way. But some of it sticks around, like grime lining the pipes of your bathroom sink. It slowly builds up, sticking with you, nestling in your intestine and never goes away.

This is why celebrities get colonics. I always thought colonics were like fancy butt-bulimia, without the guilt. They kind of are, but they also clean out the layers of "crap" lining your large intestine. Colonics sound pretty gruesome. A nurse or medical somebody sticks a tube up your rectum, fills your colon with warm fluid, massages your abdomen, and eventually your body expels the fluid. It comes back out the same way it came in, through the tube in your butt. But when it comes out, it takes with it a lot of excess that was packed away inside of you. The medical person then watches the flow and based on what he or she sees, tells you what's wrong with your diet - an experience both enjoyable and educational.

A colonic may be a pragmatic answer to cleansing your digestive system. But it's also expensive, weird and more than a little embarrassing. If you can't afford a colonic, or don't want somebody prodding your butt and massaging your abdomen, there is still some hope for your overburdened intestines.

It turns out that a diet high in unprocessed foods, like raw vegetables, fruits and legumes for example, can help clean out your system. The enzymes in uncooked foods aid in digestion and these foods are naturally higher in vitamins and other good things anyway.

This is why I am urging the public at large to eat more raw fruits and vegetables. Apparently a diet like this can decrease the amount of gas you experience, increase your metabolism and help clean out the stuff packed away in your gut.

I'm planning to eat raw for February and see if I feel any lighter. If you're interested, there are tons of recipes online, because apparently there are tons of people out there who eat this way all the time. Some recipes I found include a milkless milkshake, avocado mayonnaise and riceless sushi rolls.

I figure I can handle that kind of stuff for a month. Hopefully, some of the gunk inside of me will slough off while I'm digesting all this roughage. Pretty pictures I know, but if I can get rid of any of the buildup without having my butt violated by a tube of warm fluid, then I'll give it a shot!

May you, too, experience a lighter lower torso in your near future.