Question: "What's up with that cactus palm tree?"

Answer:

I was quick to discount this as a hoax (I'm a professional skeptic), until I saw this picture of the alleged parasitic cactus. I came up with my own theories and met with dissenting opinion.

"Parasitic cactus? What the heck are you talking about? Don't quote me on that," said Scott Keegan Moore, plant sciences junior.

But I found some on this campus who had other things to say about this prickly permutation, bonded to the palm tree at the southwest end of the Bank One parking lot.

"I was skeptical about coming to the UA at first, but when I saw the cactus palm tree, I was sold," said Theo Davis, undeclared sophomore.

"To my amazement, there, right before my eyes, was a rare palm tree-cactus hybrid. I almost cried - it was so beautiful. Then, I got a sandwich," said David Miller, undeclared sophomore.

The two sophomores visit the cactus weekly.

I had but one conclusion: A series of experiments gone terribly wrong have spawned this freak of nature that enjoys sandwiches.

I sought out Elizabeth Davison, director of the UA Campus Arboretum, to verify my claims.

Is there such thing as a parasitic cactus?

"No," Davison said.

Davison went on to tell me that a prickly pear cactus seed probably got caught in the foliage debris of the palm and germinated there.

Davison assured me that "unless there is a fierce wind storm," there is no cause for the general public to worry. When I asked if the cactus could germinate in living people, the UA arboretum director told me that it could be possible if someone stood really still for a really long time and "if he had very wet, dirty hair."

While the truth seems to be benign, I would invite you to visit the cactus. But beware, for if you stare into the cactus, the cactus too stares back at you ...

- Kris Cabulong, Campus Detective

The Campus Detective needs work! If you are pondering any UA-related mysteries or conspiracies, e-mail him at campus@wildcat.arizona.edu.