Bizzy Thompson
Staff Writer

Record of the Year: "Hey Ya!" OutKast

How can you deny "Hey Ya!"? My 82-year-old grandfather announced out of nowhere at Christmas dinner that "'Shake it like a Polaroid picture' was the hottest phrase of 2003." Enough said.

Album of the Year: Justified, Justin Timberlake

You know, Justin used to dream about winning a Grammy when he was a little boy. He never thought it would end up this way. Drums.

Best New Artist: Evanescence

Every time I hear Evanescence, I vomit. I'm now down four dress sizes and training for my first marathon. Thanks, Evanescence!

Jessica Lewusz
Contributing Writer

Record of the Year: "Hey Ya!" OutKast

"Hey Ya!" is so damn catchy, not even torture could stop me from "shaking it like a Polaroid picture." That's why my pick for Record of the Year goes to OutKast.

Album of the Year: Speakerboxxx/The Love Below by OutKast

I have a feeling that Speakerboxxx/The Love Below will steal Album of the Year. The industry has often snubbed hip-hop, but this year, I think OutKast's time has come.

Best New Artist: 50 Cent

I have to give the award for Best New Artist to 50 Cent. Has any other nominee been shot 12 times? Let's give him a break. He earned it.

Tali Israeli
Contributing Writer

Record of the Year: "Crazy In Love," BeyoncŽ

As long as BeyoncŽ isn't a part of Destiny's Child, I'll vote for her. "Crazy In Love" is a great dance song and features a big name rap artist, who just happens to be her boyfriend.

Album of the Year: Speakerboxxx/The Love Below by OutKast

No one else in this category made the waves OutKast has this year. It has an incredibly unique style. Only Andre 3000 could wear a pink fur coat at an award show performance and still be cool.

Best New Artist: 50 Cent

Whose body looks that sexy after getting shot 26 times? Besides, Fountains of Wayne isn't new, and it sounded better old.

Eli Herman
Staff Writer

Record of the Year: "Crazy In Love," BeyoncŽ

I first met BeyoncŽ in Los Angeles. I saw her at a gas station when I was buying Skittles. Forty-five minutes later, we were driving up the coast tasting the rainbow in her convertible. We made out at a stoplight, but then she had to go to a L'Oreal Feria promotion party. Since then, it's turned into kind of a phone thing, but she wouldn't appreciate me voting for someone else.

Album of the Year: Fallen, Evanescence

If she gets a Grammy, will she be satisfied and stop making my ears bleed?

Best New Artist: 50 Cent

Did you know "Fitty" has testicular implants? I guess one of those 47 bullets hit the sack and ever since, he's been technically castrated.