Brett Berry Columnist

It's been over a week since Nipplegate, when Justin Timberlake shocked America by tearing away part of Janet Jackson's bustier and exposing her breast at the Super Bowl halftime show. And ever since that day, the American public and media have shown their true idiocy by turning a stupid two-second gaffe into the scandal of the year.

Of course, the whole event gives parents a legitimate reason to be upset with the show. The performance was unnecessarily provocative; it was really too sexually driven for a halftime show, whether or not the boob had made an appearance or not, planned or unplanned.

However, all in all, the grand entrance made by Janet Jackson's right breast truly was not that big of a deal. It was just a breast! And it wasn't even a fully-exposed breast; there was that little foil pasty thing covering the nipple a la Lil' Kim at the 1999 MTV Video Music Awards. Nobody cared about that exposure, even though Lil' Kim had her breast hanging out the whole night, and Diana Ross even bounced it up and down with her hand onstage!

These offended parents should actually look at the stuff their children watch each day on MTV. Nipplegate, though, has lit a huge fire under the media and the easily offended ultra-conservatives of America.

The performance was unnecessarily provocative; it was really too sexually driven for a halftime show, whether or not the boob had made an appearance or not, planned or unplanned.

The FCC has received more than 200,000 complaints from outraged viewers, an FCC record. Lycos reported that the total number of searches regarding the halftime nipple-slip set single-day search records, beating out the old record held by the Sept. 11 events. And don't forget the countless hours that reporters and pundits have spent discussing this incident on cable news shows when there are much more pressing matters that they should be questioning (i.e. elections, war, lying presidents, etc.).

Of course, the most ridiculous consequence of all this hoopla is 47-year-old Terri Carlin's class-action lawsuit filed against the parties involved in Nipplegate. The suit claims that the "sexually explicit" show caused its viewers to "suffer outrage, anger, embarrassment and serious injury."

Serious injury? What the hell kind of injury could a partially exposed breast really do? I guess Jackson could have poked Justin's eye out with that thing, but there was no physical danger of that for those of us who were at home. This is a ridiculous overreaction, and it is a telling sign of how senseless our society is.

What does it say when a single breast can cause such an uproar? One can only imagine what these parents would do if they ever took a family vacation to Europe. They have things on the TV shows there that would make even Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson blush.

If this lady can sue for something as harmless as a two-second glimpse of a partially exposed breast on television, then I should be able to file my own nudity-related lawsuits.

Any guy can tell you that men's locker rooms are sights to unnecessary nudity that cause much more embarrassment, shock and personal injury than Janet Jackson ever could. Granted, a locker room is an entirely different setting than a halftime show, and some nudity is often necessary, but believe me, it can be the setting of serious emotional scarring.

Any of you guys who go to the Rec can attest to this: You go into the locker room to innocently go to the bathroom, and, invariably, the oldest, fattest and hairiest man there feels he doesn't need a towel to hide his nakedness. He walks around the lockers freely until he steps up to the urinal right next to you, puts his hands on his hips, and lets it fly.

Now that is something that causes a hell of a lot more "outrage" and "embarrassment" than a breast can, and it seems to be a much more likely situation to cause "serious injury" (as you rush to hasten yourself away from this terrifying situation). I experienced one such horrifying experience this past weekend, and it left a much more indelible and damaging mark on my psyche than the halftime show did. But I'm not allowed to sue for that.

If there was anything about the halftime show for which we should all be suing, it should be the crappy music that we were forced to listen to. Therein lies the true outrage of the halftime show. It pained my ears and my musical soul to have to listen to P. Diddy, Kid Rock, Janet and Justin for 10 whole minutes. It was the music, and not the breast, that should offend us.

Brett Berry is a regional development sophomore; he is not a man who fears "serious injury" from a woman's breast. He can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.