Illustration by Arnie Bermudez

It's almost the end of the semester and many male students are turning to video games, instead of the Internet, to relieve some much built-up stress. Although video games are as much open to girls as they are to guys, the realm of fantasy has been chiefly a man's domain. Madden 2005, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and Shrek 2 are only a few video games that men have been drooling over for the past months; now there is Halo 2. Halo 2 was released Tuesday, and a line of more than 50 people braved the frigid midnight winds of Tucson to wait outside of Replay Entertainment in the Student Union Memorial Center.

What exactly is the big fuss over video games? What would make a man wait in freezing temperatures for a tiresome 30 minutes to get a simple video game? Well, first of all, video games are a lot like disposable wives. For the first couple of months they are fun to play with and show off to all your friends, but then after a while it's time to get a new version. Video games allow for a guy to be attached to a beautiful love for a couple months and then get rid of it when the passion has been deleted. The best thing about breaking up with a video game is there is no heartache, crying, backtalk or kicks to the groin. It's a perfect relationship to end for a guy.

"I don't ever mess with girls. The only thing that I let myself get attached to is video games. Video games are nice to me; girls are not. I hate girls because they always break my pretty heart, but thanks to video games my life is complete," said Seth Knisley, a women's studies freshman.

Moe Naqvi Columnist

Video games are also cheaper than actually participating in a relationship with a real woman. For a one-time low fee of $50, a man can have two to three months of pleasure, whereas a relationship with a female for the same time has the potential of racking up at least $700. Candy, dinners, roses and alcohol can add up to quite a tab, and video game makers realize this. Video games were created to make the life of man happier, cheaper and easier; and by golly, it is working.

"Before video games came out, all I used to do was take naps and chase girls around the playground. But ever since the first video game came out, I've been able to be lazy in my suede chair and play my fine-looking video games," said undeclared freshman Ross Johnson.

Society should accept the art of playing video games because of the upsides. Video games not only are a better alternative than the man-woman relationship, but they also allow for men to live out their fantasies. Sometimes guys get weird urges to kick dogs, shoot robots or drive 250 m.p.h., but we can't really do that in public without being looked down upon or arrested. So for a man to not get in trouble, he must take up the video game, which does allow him to do all of those things. It doesn't hurt anyone in reality if a guy shoots one of those Halo robots. But if a guy were to go out in public, kidnap kids, dress them up as Halo robots and play a game of "Seek and Gun" with them, the murder rate would of this country would be much higher.

Sure, video games can take a man from all that has to do with social interaction and realness, but that shouldn't be a problem for anyone. Men are trouble, and the more time we are off the streets, the more time society is safe. Video games keep men from the real world, and the power of the video game should not be ridiculed. In contrast, society should be thankful. The FBI 2002 Crime Index Offense Report states that 91.7 percent of murderers were male. Holy smokes!

If only we could have given those men the life of video games, they would never have had the chance to get angry with someone or find the time to buy a gun. Video games take a lot of time to play and they would have been able to sidetrack those male murderers.

But no, American society is so quick to label video games as "useless" and "bad" that men are forced to go out in the real world, get jobs and make a so-called difference. In reality, the only differences men make are negative. We pillage and cause chaos. The more time men are busy with video games, the more time other people are happy.

Video games are the answer to keeping the peace. The first item on President Bush's agenda should be to create a No Man Left Behind policy, which will convert taxpayer's money to buying at least one game console and one video game for each man. The more video games there are in society, the higher the chances that men will be busy with fun instead of murdering.

Men love video games because it keeps them happy and out of trouble. Deal with it.

Moe Naqvi is a physiological sciences freshman. He can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.