Illustration by Arnie Bermudez

I'd like to think that we live in a civilized world. As a species we've advanced quite a bit from our humble beginnings of cave dwelling.

Yet, despite the fact that we have progressed, we still haven't quite achieved the level of civility and sophistication that centuries of human growth and development would suggest.

After witnessing my fair share of drunken brawls during my collegiate career and what with the recent shooting at No Anchovies, these incidences have made me rethink my position on the human race. After much thought and deliberation I've reached this conclusion: People are stupid. There's no getting around that fact. And in no other way do people best exemplify their stupidity than with completely unnecessary acts of aggression.

Now, I've never really considered myself a pacifist. I'd like to think of myself more along the lines of a moderate when it comes to matters like this (sorry about the flip-flopping, I know how much people hate that nowadays). There are times when I believe that violence is necessary, albeit as a last resort. And, in some instances violence can be downright enjoyable. I must confess that the Three Stooges are a favorite of mine, though I do have to admit Moe was an unholy bastard. But most of all I like a good kung fu movie, just like any other red-blooded American. In those movies the actors make ass-kicking an art form; the fight scenes show people turning bloodshed into something almost poetic. In contrast to your everyday street carnage, the motives and reasoning that instigate all the kicking and punching business seem much more noble and honorable on screen.

Susan Bonicillo Columnist

It is my firm belief if one were to follow the dictates of a kung fu movie, we all would be better for it. For instance, even before you think about balling up your hands into fists, you must go through a list of conditions that your adversary must fulfill before giving yourself the green light.

If the person that you are about to fight has a) killed one of your family members/friends/lovers; b) threatened to destroy a small, rural, and defenseless town and all its people; c) stolen an ancient medallion giving him/her powers of invincibility with the intent of world domination; or d) dishonored you and your family, forcing you to compete in a martial arts contest under the strict tutelage of that one Asian guy from "Happy Days," then by all means let your little fists of fury fly.

However, some people fail to see the wisdom of kung fu movies, a fact that is lamentable. It's unfortunate that so many people can become blinded by testosterone and the need to show just who is the alpha dog in any group.

Perhaps our "civilized" society is the cause for its own problems. After becoming so wrapped up in our technical accomplishments, we are so awestruck by our own industriousness and magnificence that we put too much emphasis on the intellect and forget about the primal, darker side of our personalities. Forgetting these urges and suppressing them makes us more likely to act upon them at a later date with tragic results.

Or maybe we lack the coming of age rituals of the past. We don't have practices that tell us we've crossed the threshold between childhood and adulthood. Perhaps we look to fighting as a way to give us a challenge, something tangible and real that tells us that we have grown up. Perhaps picking up a beer bottle and smashing it across someone's head is actually a cry for help.

Though there are numerous explanations for demonstrating higher levels of idiocy, let's not forget the fact that violence, for the most part, just isn't needed. Just think about how many societal ills could be avoided by thinking before you act - innocent bystanders who get caught in the crossfire, families broken up by imprisonment because of some stupid, unplanned event, cases of property and bodily damage, and the continuation of the television show "Cops" could all be avoided if people would just walk away, or at least follow the aforementioned kung fu conditions for violence.

Susan Bonicillo is a junior majoring in English who apologizes for mixing up any martial arts genres in her column. She can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.