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Halloween: Because not being you is a good thing

By Susan Bonicillo
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Wednesday, October 27, 2005
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Of all the holidays, Halloween definitely ranks as one of the more enjoyable days of the year and for good reason. The combination of high-fructose corn syrup, indulging mildly in pagan rituals and hijinks involving flaming packages of animal feces all while dressed in a costume is probably the highlight of the year for many and the only reason the autumnal months don't get forgotten between the languid days of summer and the holiday festivities of the winter.

Yet coming up with a costume can take precedent over most anything in your life - exams, deadlines and work be damned.

You want a kick-ass costume, and because all those costume packages at the corner drug store that you bought as a kid probably don't fit you anymore, you've got to be creative.

But we here at the Arizona Daily Wildcat realize that you've got other things on your mind, so we've come up with a few suggestions to take the thinking out of Oct. 31 so you can divert your energy to more important things.

For us females, it is pretty easy to think of a costume. Way back when, before puberty hit, Halloween for the fairer sex meant clown costumes, bed sheets for posing as an apparition and things that covered up the body.

Now, Halloween is a yearly option for any ordinary girl to prance around half naked without the stigmatism of being judged by what you're not wearing.

The formula is simply to take a profession and make it skanky, and you've got a costume.

However, you can't just skank it up without some sort of theme. Validation is found in being a slutty you-fill-in-the-blank. Take for example the slutty nurse, the slutty librarian or the slutty museum docent. The formula is simply to take a profession and make it skanky, and you've got a costume. One of my favorites is the slutty businesswoman, nicknamed the "CE-HO," which consists of the top half of a business suit, while the bottom mysteriously didn't make it to the show.

However, there might be some among you who may be a little uncomfortable with that much exposure. In that case, there are options that allow you to keep your modesty in check.

Take a white short-sleeved button down, a shiny name tag, sensible trousers and a bicycle helmet and voila, you're an instant Mormon missionary. Try this with a large group of friends and wander around parties with a Coke in hand in an attempt to make everyone slightly uncomfortable.

Or, if you don't feel like mimicking a runaway Christian sect, try donning a brightly colored bedsheet, beads and patchouli and you just might pass for a wandering monk, but as an ascetic, you may have to lay off noshing on the sweets during the night.

One year, as someone of southeast Asian descent, I decided to wear ragged clothes with leaves and branches pinned on, wore a straw Chinese hat, armed myself with a water pistol and stuck on a "Hi, my name is Charlie" name tag for the full effect. Unfortunately, people actually thought my name was Charlie and kept commenting that it was cool to meet a girl with a boy's name. Wit is just lost on some people.

A friend's brother is collaborating with a Laotian buddy. He's dressing up as Angelina Jolie (black, Morticia Adams get-up worn at Academy Awards) while his friend is spiking his hair into a mohawk to portray her adopted son Maddox.

Yet sometimes the most memorable costumes are the simplest. Another friend was in plain clothes last year, save for a gift tag round his neck with the words "To: Women, From: God." Sometimes, the best costumes have a hint of truth in them.

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