Illustration by Cody Angell

When was the last time someone complimented you on how well you speak English? Not recently? OK, when was the last time someone came up to you and greeted you with the Japanese word for hello? Can't remember? Well then, I can guarantee, with almost complete certainty, that you are not Asian.

My yellow brothers and sisters know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about being complimented on your English when you've been speaking English since you used to wet yourself. For the ladies, I'm talking about (usually, white) males constantly trying to greet you in Japanese, or Chinese, or Korean, or whatever country they spent three months teaching English in during the summer.

Most of what people speak out against is the sort of racism that gets people hurt, that stops people from being able to realize their full potential. But I'm here to speak out against a different type of racism all together: the kind that is, for the most part, just plain annoying.

I became more interested in seeing if other Asians (particularly female Asians) received this kind of attention after a particularly annoying trip to the Tanque Verde swap meet, where street vendors tried to attract my friend's (also Asian) and my attention with such calls as "Hey sushi!" and "Yoko! Yoko Ono!"

Searching the Internet, I found lots of other Asian girls who were venting their frustration. One such Web site was bigbadchinesemama.com, which the owner, Big Bad Chinese Mama herself, set up as her senior thesis at the University of California, Los Angeles.

She advertised it as an Asian porn site in the backs of newspapers where those "Hot Sexxxy Asian 4U" ads usually lurk. Any sweaty, horny man who clicked over to the Web site in search of a lotus flower of a girl ready to service his sexual needs, instead found the BBCM and other Asian girls, all different, all pissed off, all deconstructing the stereotypical image of the subservient, shy Asian girl.

I e-mailed the Big Bad Chinese Mama (who is pictured on the front page of her site) and asked her what she thought of this sort of stereotyping - was it really just annoying, or was it bad for us as well?

"It's both annoying and harmful. I think even the subtlest of racism can affect the way people are socialized and the way they understand what they are capable of doing with their lives," she wrote.

"It can limit you if you are a person of color and all you are told of who you will be is an anonymous person, or a working-class person or whatever your ethnicity has limited of you."

I asked her how she thought we should handle all the catcalling and stereotyping.

"I think part of the way we handle our experiences with racism is part of the problem. We can get angry over it and try to end it that way but in college I realized that is doubly oppressing to get so upset over oppression," she wrote.

"I think handling race issues with a sense of humor or through art helps others understand what your experience is and welcomes them into sharing what they are experiencing rather than feeling attacked."

OK, so with the Big Bad Chinese Mama and her "harem" of Asian ladies as my inspiration, I'm off to fight the good fight in my own creative way. I'm starting a rap group. And I expect my audience, should I be lucky enough to have one, to take my awkward rhyming seriously, whether I'm rapping about being Asian, being a girl or the things I do that have nothing to do with being Asian or a girl.

Laugh at me, tell me I'm terrible, just don't say Asian girls can't rap.

Oh, and in the meantime, here are some tips for those of you wishing to not annoy the Asian population in your town:

Do not try to talk to us in our native language.

Do not try to guess what our background is, nor try to support your guess with such scientific evidence as, "You Chinese? My cousin's wife is Chinese, and she's chubby like you."

Do not, when we tell you that you guessed wrong, sigh loudly, shake your head and say, "Sometimes you Orientals all look alike."

If you are a young, white man dealing with a young, Asian lady, do not assume that she is fantasizing about your big American cock. She is probably not. She is probably thinking of ways to get out of talking to you.

Do not ask someone who is Asian to help you with your math/engineering/science homework, based solely on the fact that s/he is Asian.

And for Christ's sake, don't insist on having your Asian friends order food for you in their native language when you go out to a restaurant.

Finally, take your local neighborhood Asian female MC seriously. She needs the support.